My little brother

I'm almost getting to the point of not even reading the news anymore. There is nothing in it that gives us any hope for the future. We have become a society hyper-focused on the negative. The media forces this onto us with every broadcast. We can't turn left or right without being told what a dire situation the world is in. They don't give us hope, just futility. It's inescapable, sad, and disturbing, and I'd rather not play a part in it anymore. Our own personal situations have slid into insignificance, or so they would have us believe. 

This is wrong. We each play an important part, and the stories of our lives are intertwined and important... not just the people close to us, but to the people we have known and made a part of our own world.

I've spoken previously about my brother, Tracy, and so I wanted to talk a little more about the most recent events. His battle with ALS and dementia has reached a point where we finally had to act for him. You look at your siblings and know that they will always be there. That the person that you laughed and played with, would always be at your side. It's a cruel and horrible fate to watch them slip away before your eyes... slowly and helplessly.

I wanted to let you know the latest happenings here. It's important to me to pass this on, both for him, and for me.

We placed Tracy in an assisted care group home on Saturday. We got him a small apartment, to take the place of the house he had lost. We thought with his mobility, and his perceived state of mind this would be a good temporary step. We were wrong. Between last Thursday and Friday, he had wandered off and gotten lost 3 times. He was found on those occasions by the police, fire department, and even (gracious) strangers, who could see that he was not doing well. It became painfully obvious that he had reached a point where he was becoming his own safety issue. It hurt so much to do this. He had become a stranger, and not the brother I knew that was so full of life. We had to do something for him, and do it fast. A group assisted care home was the best solution for him for now, and my mother and Tracy's daughter found him a good one.

I've spent almost every day during the past week getting his house cleaned out. In his life-long job as a diesel mechanic, he had accumulated a LOT of things related to his job. With help from the the family, we have done a good job of emptying out his place. I have no way of sufficiently thanking them for sacrificing them for their time. They gave it willingly, and I deeply appreciate their efforts.

It's a good thing I am in good physical shape. Otherwise I would never be able to move all his stuff. At this point, I still have a couple days worth of effort to clean out his house, but at least that part will be done, and I can go about the task of selling it all off to help pay for his care. It's a ponderous job that I am not looking forward to. I have had to put my own life on hold to do this, but in fact, there is absolutely no one else that can. Somehow, I've dug deep down and found strength I never knew I had. I'm convinced now that this is within all of us. I just found my own for the first time.

Tracy seems to be happy in his new place, but it's so hard to see him like this. My heart aches every time I look into his eyes. I've never felt so helpless.
Now, I'm just trying to help his daughter sort things out and do my best to make sure he has the finances, etc. to live out the rest of his days with some dignity and grace.

Everyone in the family seems to be holding it together, mostly because they have to. My mom has done a remarkable job watching after his welfare and finances, despite her own health situations. She still is watching over her son like any mother would.

Tracy's oldest daughter, Samantha, is faced with the task of watching her dad slip away before her eyes, and have to make decisions no one should have to make at her age. Her own individual life is just taking shape, and she must set some part of that aside to do the things her dad needs of her. She is holding up well, and so I just try to support her, and offer my council as she finds need for it.

I thought about forming a non-profit organization to take the sales from his stuff and make them tax deductible for anyone buying them. This might make them more appealing for purchase, while financing his care. What I found out though, was that getting this sort of thing started was not a job for one person. It takes a team of knowledgeable people and up-front funds to make this happen. This is beyond the scope of my abilities, so I will just do the best I can with the resources I have, and hope it is good enough. 

It has to be.