Of gardening and carburetors

Over the weekend, I went to an optical shop to get new lenses for my glasses. The cute girl behind the counter told us that my prescription was nearly expired, and so I found myself explaining once again that I had had a bad year last year, and I wanted to make sure I was going to be around a bit longer, before I went to the trouble to refill my prescription. After a short interaction about what had taken place, we moved on and completed the transaction.

It occurred to me afterward that because a year had passed, and I was not only still above ground, but thriving and improving as well,and finding it less and less necessary to explain my reasons for postponing certain actions, and the reasons for why I was doing so.

It’s not that I have forgotten what transpired, or felt that it was unimportant. On the contrary, I still feel it every day. I still have chemo drugs in my system and will continue to do so for at least a few more months, and I can still feel the scar where the doctor cut open my skull (the nerves have not repaired themselves yet, so it is still somewhat numb). I just find that I am trying to move past that episode in my life, and not make justification for my lack of doing certain things. I look plenty normal, and from my level of activity, no one would normally notice what I still feel inside. I mask it fairly well, and only those closest to me can tell when I’m having an off time. Sometimes not even then.

I’m finding it easier now to look forward, and plan for more than just a month ahead. I am still making careful decisions about the future, but am doing so with a bit more far-sightedness than I did even a few months ago. I’d like to see this continue. I have some milestones coming up, and would like to see them come and go with as little impact on my life as possible. There is plenty to do, and I have years of marriage and (hopefully!)grandkids to look forward to. There is a long list of places left to visit, and unfinished projects to complete, so the less I have to think and talk about my previous GBM, the better. I’d much rather talk about gardening or carburetors any day.