Who we lost in the last 6 months of 2009

It seems that we lost a great many people in the first six months of 2009. There were many notable people you have heard of, and many you have not. I'm finishing up what I started with a few people we lost in the last six months of 2009. It's amazing how many I knew and lost track of in the crush of getting myself through the year. A few of these surprised me by their passing.

As you read through the list, see how many you know. I recommend that you look up some of the ones you don't . They were all special in some way. Some of them were only known to a few, but they made this list because they made a difference to someone. Get to know them. Their names may not pass this way again.

July 2009
======
Mollie Sugden, 86, British actress (Are You Being Served?), natural causes.
Karl Malden, 97, American Academy Award winning actor (A Streetcar Named Desire), natural causes.
John Keel, 79, American ufologist and writer (The Mothman Prophecies), heart failure.
Steve McNair, 36, American football player (Tennessee Titans, Baltimore Ravens), shot.
Drake Levin, 62, American guitarist (Paul Revere & the Raiders), cancer.
John Bachar, 52, American rock climber, fall.
Waldo McBurney, 106, American beekeeper, oldest worker in the United States.
Dallas McKennon, 89, American voice actor (Gumby, Buzz Buzzard, Archie Andrews), natural causes.
Gordon Waller, 64, British singer (Peter and Gordon), cardiac arrest.
Walter Cronkite, 92, American television news anchor, cerebrovascular disease.
Gidget, 15, American chihuahua, Taco Bell mascot, stroke.

August 2009
========
Corazon Aquino, 76, Filipino politician, first female President (1986–1992), colon cancer.
Charles Gaylord, 72, American martial arts grandmaster (Kajukenbo).
Riccardo Cassin, 100, Italian mountaineer.
Andy Kessler, 48, American skateboarder, cardiac arrest following wasp sting.
Les Paul, 94, American guitarist and inventor, complications from pneumonia.
Kim Dae-jung, 83, South Korean politician, President (1998–2003), Nobel Peace Prize recipient, heart failure.
Ted Kennedy, 77, American politician, Senator from Massachusetts (1962–2009), brain cancer.

September 2009
==========
Erich Kunzel, 74, American conductor (Cincinnati Pops Orchestra), cancer.
Lou Bender, 99, American basketball pioneer who popularized the sport in New York City, cancer.
Larry Gelbart, 81, American comedy writer (M*A*S*H) and blogger (The Huffington Post), cancer.
Paul Burke, 83, American actor (Naked City), leukemia.
Patrick Swayze, 57, American actor (Dirty Dancing, Ghost), pancreatic cancer.
Henry Gibson, 73, American actor (Laugh-In, Boston Legal), cancer.
Mary Travers, 72, American singer (Peter, Paul and Mary), leukemia.
Lucy Vodden, 46, British inspiration for The Beatles song "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds", lupus.

October 2009
=========
Günther Rall, 91, German Luftwaffe flying ace during WWII, heart attack.
René Sommer, 58, Swiss co-inventor of the computer mouse.
Dickie Peterson, 63, American rock singer (Blue Cheer), liver cancer.
Al Martino, 82, American singer and actor (The Godfather), first person to top the UK Singles Chart.
Cullen Bryant, 58, American football player (Los Angeles Rams), natural causes.
Willard Varnell Oliver, 88, American Navajo code talker.
Soupy Sales, 83, American comedian and television host, cancer.
Shiloh Pepin, 10, American girl with rare sirenomelia condition, pneumonia.

November 2009
==========
Daul Kim, 20, South Korean fashion model, suicide by hanging.
Lester Shubin, 84, American developer of the bulletproof Kevlar vest, heart attack.
Lino Lacedelli, 83, Italian mountaineer, first man to reach the summit of K2.
Ron Sproat, 77, American television writer (Dark Shadows), heart attack.

December 2009
==========
Gene Barry, 90, American actor (Burke's Law, Bat Masterson), heart failure.
Robert G. Heft, 67, American designer of the 50-star American flag.
Oral Roberts, 91, American evangelist, founder of Oral Roberts University, complications from pneumonia.
Dame Victoire Bennett, Lady Ridsdale, 88, British politician, World War II intelligence agent, inspiration for Miss Moneypenny.
Roy E. Disney, 79, American entertainment executive (The Walt Disney Company), nephew of Walt Disney, stomach cancer.
Chris Henry, 26, American football player (Cincinnati Bengals), blunt force trauma after fall from vehicle.
Alaina Reed Hall, 63, American actress (Sesame Street, 227), breast cancer.
Arnold Stang, 91, American actor (Top Cat, It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World), pneumonia.
Brittany Murphy, 32, American actress (Clueless, King of the Hill, 8 Mile), cardiac arrest.
James Gurley, 69, American guitarist (Big Brother and the Holding Company), heart attack.
Robert L. Howard, 70, American soldier, Medal of Honor recipient (1971), pancreatic cancer.

Christmas time again

It's been six months since my brother died, and since my granddaughter was born.

I still have trouble believing he has gone. I sometimes expect him to come up driving on his hot rod, and we would share a beer and talk about nothing. There are too many reminders of just how much his life intertwined with mine for me to so easily put away his memories.

Our little granddaughter on the other hand is such a joy to behold. She is so expressive. She appears to study everything with such intensity, and you can tell there is so much going on inside that little head, trying to make sense of a world that is so new to her. I just hope we have a world worth passing on to her.

Tracy Golamb - 1953 to 2009

This my tribute to my brother Tracy. I've reduced the size. I hope it is enough.
If you can see this, I hope you enjoy the effort and love with which it was made.
My previous posts tell his story in words.
I hope this video in pictures and music does the same.



It's a little long, but worth the time.
Thanks for giving of your time to view it.

A final act of love

I made a promise to my brother Tracy's two young girls to create a small movie for DVD in slides and music, giving tribute to him and telling his life story.

I finished this about a week ago, while on vacation, and am ready to give them a copy, along with any family member that wishes to have one. I'm proud of my first attempt to do something like this, and I think it turned out pretty well. Of course, it's not as good as it could be, if I had unlimited time and resources, but not bad. I had to watch it a couple dozen times during the making, and it brings up the same emotions of loss and love every time I did. I have to admit that I am not an especially emotional person. However, I have admit that I've cried each time I watched this.

I wish I could share this with the internet community, but even in it's QuickTime movie format, it is 162Mb and about 47 minutes long, so it is not practical to upload to a site where it can be watched. It should be.

As we all do when losing someone close, I have a couple of regrets that can never be fulfilled. The first is that I didn't give all of the support I could have in Tracy's last years. In looking back, I can see that there was much I could have added to the quality of his life. The second is that I do not have any pictures of the two of us before he died. This didn't occur to me until I put this tribute together. There are pictures of almost everyone in the family but me. I was so busy with the business of my life, that I missed out on the thing that would have made a difference for both of us. Now it is too late for us.

If you are reading this, then you know how I feel. I am telling you for your own future reference, that these regrets will fill some spot in your heart. If you act on them, then you will always feel good about your last acts of love and kindness. If you do not act on them, this place in your heart will be forever empty, and there is little you can do to mend what cannot be mended.

In my case, my only hope is that the movie I made about my brother's life will live on, and his children, and one day grandchildren, can see the kind of man he was. Even though he wasn't a great statesman, athlete, or highly recognized personality, the void he left in his passing will be felt for many years by those of us who were fortunate enough to know him.

Some parting thoughts about our visit to Korea

First I want to say that I had a terrific time. The weather cooperated - and was perfect, the food was great, and the time we were able to spend with family and friends was time well spent. We had a small list of things we wanted to do, and managed to do all of them with a little time to spare. I wish more vacations were as enjoyable as the one we just had.

And with that said, let me add a few afterthoughts, observances, etc.

I feel in fair shape, and don't look that bad here in the USA. I'm working to get my weight down, and my clothes are fitting better these days (the same goes for Sue, as well). When I go to Korea, I feel fat. People there (on the average) are in much better physical shape than we are. They look thinner, and eat better. Don't get me wrong, American fast food is having its effect, and you are seeing a greater number of overweight people, but it is the occasional thing, rather than the other way around. Although there are restaurants every 100 ft. or so throughout Seoul (only a slight exaggeration), you wouldn't know it to look at the people. The only truly fat people I saw there were Americans.

The guys, even though the majority of them don't spend a day in the gym, they have a healthier and happier look, even the older guys. You don't see the expanded middle that has become commonplace in the USA.

And the women? Well, the average woman over there puts ours to shame. They are slimmer, dress way better, and care more about their appearance. You don't see the spare tire on them, that seems to be so prevalent here, especially on our younger girls.
I never knew I was such a leg man before. Certainly the women in the USA have drawn my attention away from such a very sexy part of the anatomy. Sorry, no picture examples for compassionate reasons.

Their English on signs, etc. is better displayed than in some other countries, such as Japan, where interpretation of English seems to be an expressive art form. I do spot the occasional goof or misspelling, but I think if they just asked for a little more help, this would improve. One restaurant I passed regularly on my travels, posted the sign outside that said "Self Barbecue House." I'm not sure what they intended, but it leaves a little to the imagination.

What's Hot and What's Not

Western culture is alive and well in Seoul.

The things that are most commonly seen there are Dunkin Donuts, Baskin Robbins, 7-11, Bennigan's, Starbuck's, Outback Restaurant, Papa John's (which is basically all delivery), Pizza Hut (ditto), McDonald's, Burger King, and The Coffee Bean. These are everywhere, and popular.Of course they have their own Korean twist to the menu, but basically they are no different than the ones here. It is comforting to find an oasis of familiarity in a sea of kimchi.

A few things that you won't see anymore are The Seoul Hard Rock Cafe, Benihana's, and the Seoul Apple Computer store. I don't know reason for the Apple store going away. They have replace it with an authorized Apple reseller, but it just doesn't have the same feel. There were plenty of people in it though. If you want to buy apple stuff in Seoul, you'll need to do it on-line.

Vehicles you won't see on America highways

75% or so of vehicles on the streets of Seoul are Hyundae. ere is no surprise in this. There are other makers of Korean vehicles, but they are less as apparent. American and European vehicles are occasional sights, but these are driven by the financially snobbish.

There are a number of vehicles I think would be good for the USA, but sadly, although they are commonplace in the Korea, these will probably not make to American shores any time soon. These are Kia Morning, Daewoo Matiz, Daewoo Damas, Kia Bongo, and the Hyundae Porter. Interesting vehicles and used a lot over there.

I suppose there are other points I meant to highlight, but this is a good swipe at them. It is nice to be back home and in our own bed.

Our visit to Seoul

We have been visiting Sue's family in Seoul, and have had a terrific time. We spent most of the time so far kicking back and staying close to home, and only venturing out when the reason suits us. Otherwise, It's just go slow, have some great food, and visit with the family here. Even though I have some strong things to say in the following paragraphs, I still like it here and would move back if I had the opportunity.

We have made some observations though that indicate changes in the life here, since we lived here in 2004.

• Gas over here is about $5.36 per gallon (based on 1200 won per dollar). In Arizona, we are paying about $2.50 per gallon, so the cost of fuel is about double here.

• Traffic has increased significantly here. This is the number one problem here in my mind, and like the gun issue in the USA, there will never ever be an equitable solution.

There is always a line of traffic wherever you go, and sometimes it is fairly bad. As a result, getting around here involves sitting in your car and creeping along with the rest of the crowd. This induces many people to become impatient and do things unacceptable and risky in the state of the heavy traffic and narrow streets. I've seen several times where people drove around a waiting line to turn right by entering the empty left turn lane and cutting in front of the line of cars waiting for the lane change. The tactic is common, and there are few cops to catch the overwhelming abundance of traffic violations. I have even seen city busses do this. It is basically, do what you want, because the odds of getting caught... and then pursued for it and slim to none.

From what I've seen Koreans are some of the better drivers around, but I also think they are the worst, with more emphasis on the worst. They regularly drive the way they want... (see above), and basically ignore any sort of reasonable courtesy. Like I said, the police here do not have the presence we have in the states, and with 11 million people here, it's no surprise indifference is pretty much the norm. On the other hand, I see very few accidents here. Don't ask me why. It's amazing there aren't more.

There are speed traps all over the place, and over here, there is no warning like in the states. We tell you two or three times that one is coming, and people whine and complain. They wouldn't like it here, that's for sure.

• Milk is about $5.96 per gallon (with the same won/dollar calculation). Depending on where you shop in the states, we typically pay about $1.95 a gallon for milk, making the mark-up for it, considerably higher than for gas. Maybe the cows are more costly to raise and maintain than in the states. One thing I will tell you though is that the milk here has a surprisingly better taste, making anything you use it for, taste better as well. I can't say what it is, but I like it much better than the milk at home, which doesn't have much if any of it's own flavor. I never thought I'd see milk cost more than gas.

The cost of transportation (subway, bus, taxi) has also increased slightly. We do a lot more walking here than we ever did at home. I feel about 1000% safer here on the streets than I do in the states, at any hour of the day, and the feeling seems to generally be the same with everyone you see, making the desire to just take a walk a lot more pleasurable... even for longer distances.

I had some strong things to say, but it's because I like it here very much.
America has plenty of problems that make South Korea's problems seem like a bug on a windshield, so don't get me started.

Tracy's marker

My sister, Tanya and I went out on Saturday to where Tracy was placed in the Arizona Memorial Cemetery. It was a lot tougher for her than it was for me, but we spent a little while talking to him and to each other, trying to still come to grips with his loss. It is still tough to believe that he has gone. I can still hear his voice and see his easy smile. Tanya still has difficulty going into his bedroom. I know it will be a while before the pain of his loss has subsided, but I will always carry the good times between us. That is the most important thing anyway.

Who we lost in the first 6 months of 2009

It seems that we lost a great many people in the first six months of 2009. There were many notable people you have heard of, and many you have not. Below is a smattering of names of those no longer with us. I am familiar with practically every name on this list, with only a few exceptions.

As you read through the list, see how many you know. I recommend that you look up some of the ones you don't . They were all special in some way. Some of them were only known to a few, but they made this list because they made a difference to someone. Get to know them. Their names may not pass this way again.

January 2009
============
Dewey Martin, 68, Canadian-born American drummer (Buffalo Springfield).
Hélio Gracie, 95, Brazilian martial artist, creator of Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.
Bob May, 69, American actor (Lost in Space, The Time Tunnel), heart failure.
Sir John Mortimer, 85, British barrister, novelist and dramatist (Rumpole of the Bailey), after long illness.
Patrick McGoohan, 80, American-born Irish actor (The Prisoner, Braveheart), after short illness.
Rob Gauntlett, 21, British mountaineer, youngest Briton to climb Mount Everest, climbing accident.

February 2009
=============
Paul Harvey, 90, American radio broadcaster.
Philip José Farmer, 91, American writer (Riverworld).
Brad Van Pelt, 57, American football player (New York Giants), heart attack.
James Whitmore, 87, American Academy Award–nominated actor, lung cancer.

March 2009
===========
Dan Seals, 61, American country music singer-songwriter (England Dan & John Ford Coley), mantle cell lymphoma.
Lloyd Ruby, 81, American auto racing driver.
Natasha Richardson, 45, British actress, epidural hematoma.
Ron Silver, 62, American actor and political activist, esophageal cancer.
Jimmy Boyd, 70, American actor and singer ("I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus"), cancer.

April 2009
=========
Hans Holzer, 89, Austrian-born American paranormal investigator and author, after long illness.
Beatrice Arthur, 86, American Emmy and Tony Award-winning actress (Maude, The Golden Girls, Mame), cancer.
Marilyn Chambers, 56, American pornographic film actress (Behind the Green Door), erotic dancer, and politician, heart disease.
Russell E. Dunham, 89, American war veteran, Medal of Honor recipient, heart failure.

May 2009
=========
Millvina Dean, 97, British woman, last living passenger aboard the Titanic, pneumonia.
Roh Moo-hyun, 62, South Korean politician, President (2003–2008), suicide by jumping.
Adolf Dickfeld, 99, German World War II Luftwaffe flying ace.
Wayman Tisdale, 44, American basketball player and jazz bassist, cancer.
Dom DeLuise, 75, American actor (The Cannonball Run, The Secret of NIMH), writer, chef and cookbook author, kidney failure.

June 2009
=========
Billy Mays, 50, American pitchman and television host (Pitchmen), hypertensive heart disease.
Gale Storm, 87, American actress (My Little Margie, The Gale Storm Show).
Farrah Fawcett, 62, American actress (Charlie's Angels), anal cancer.
Michael Jackson, 50, American pop singer–songwriter, cardiac arrest.
Ed McMahon, 86, American television host (Star Search) and announcer (The Tonight Show).
Bob Bogle, 75, American guitarist (The Ventures), non-Hodgkin lymphoma.
Roger Terry, 87, American airman (Tuskegee Airmen), heart failure.
David Carradine, 72, American actor (Kung Fu, Kill Bill), hanging.
Shih Kien, 96, Hong Kong actor (Enter the Dragon).
Bob Christie, 85, American racing driver.
Tracy Golamb, 55, Diesel mechanic, father, brother, hot rod builder, complications of ALS.

If these walls could talk...

As you already know, I am a big admirer of the life and culture of Korea. There are so many things to envy about the country and its people. Living there gave me a real appreciation, especially since my extended family there has taken the time to show me how exceptional it can be.
Anyway, I was reading the on-line news and I ran across this article about some of Seoul's history. I found it fascinating. It's part of a series, so explore a little if it spurs more interest. Hearing about Seoul's history from my wife Sue has inspired me to delve a little deeper on my own. Check it out. I hope you enjoy it. If these walls could talk...

What's ado with North Korea

Have you been keeping up with the news about North Korea these days? I find it very interesting.

Tens of Thousands of N. Koreans Rally in Defiance of US

Corporate B.S. Generator

Take a few minutes and enjoy some word games.

The Corporate B.S. Generator

Just for fun.

Our new grand child and us

Well our granddaughter is about two and a half weeks old now. This picture was taken tonight when the kids came over. My son dropped by to assist me while I worked on my brother's hot rod. I got some help from a local restoration garage putting it back together, and they did a crap job of it. Now before it is actually road worthy, I need to fix their screw ups.

Anyway, my son showed up, and when I peeked around from the garage, I saw he had his wife with him, so I knew they had also brought the baby. I called in to Sue, "Hey, they brought the baby." I was so funny. I never saw her move so fast. She dashed out the door and met them before they had hardly gotten up the driveway. Well the girls went in the house, and Aaron stayed out with me and helped me work on the car.

While we worked on the car, Aaron's wife came out, so I asked her how she was doing. She said she had lost a lot of her pregnancy weight, and she was feeling pretty much back to normal. She looks great, and happy, and hardly like she just had a baby. Of course, Aaron is all smiles. He still can't believe he's a dad, but I can tell he's a proud one.

I think Sue must have held our granddaughter most of the time she was here. I did get to hold her later on, so I made sure Aaron got our picture. So here are the proud grandparents. Can you tell?

How do you measure up?

Maybe I'm just getting to be a grumpy old guy, or maybe I've just lived long enough to finally observe life and come to some conclusions. I don't know which it is... maybe a little of both.

I've watched people from many walks of life, both in the USA and in different countries, so I think I have a fairly good base from which to pass on my opinion. It isn't necessarily right, but I don't think it's far from wrong.

I looked up the word - narcissism, and here's what I read.

==================
Narcissism - with an origin from about 1815 to 1825.
1. Excessive love or admiration of oneself. See Synonyms at conceit.
2. A psychological condition characterized by self-preoccupation, lack of empathy, and unconscious deficits in self-esteem.

Synonyms for narcissism: self-centeredness, smugness, egocentrism.

So I looked up - conceit.

Conceit - with an origin from about 1350 to 1400. Obviously, we've been aware of this for quite a while.
1. an excessively favorable opinion of one's own ability, importance, wit, etc.

Synonyms: self-esteem, vanity, egotism, complacency.
==================

I basically already knew all of this, but I've been thinking that these definitions need to have a 21st century update. You see it all the time, with the way people act. Courtesy and basic thoughtfulness seem to have become passe, and on any given day you can see a dozen examples of self-importance.

• Driving on the freeway, while talking or even texting on their phone or PDA. Isn't driving job 1, for everybody's safety?

• A meeting ends, so they come out of the meeting room and continue the meeting in the hallway, essentially blocking the path for people to get through.

• Shopping in the grocery store, and another person shopping has parked their cart dead center in the aisle.

• Someone driving down the road flips the butt of their cigarette out the window, instead of putting it in the trash.

• A group of people are walking down a pathway. They are walking abreast of each other, taking up 90% of the hallway. As you approach from the opposite direction, they act as if it's an inconvenience to step aside and let you pass.

• Working out at the gym, and someone has finished using a piece of equipment, just sits at it, keeping anyone else for using it. Or leaving a piece of equipment, without unloading the weights they put on to work out.

• Sitting a restaurant, and someone at the next table gets a call on their cell phone. They sit there and let it ring and ring before they answer it, and then once they do, they talk loud enough for everyone within four tables to hear everything they say.

• Smokers who take no effort to avoid non-smokers, while taking their cigarette break.

The list goes on and on, but I think you get the idea. All of these actions show a thorough lack of consideration for anyone else. They perpetually place their own need or importance first, and forsake anyone or anything that might interrupt their current activity, and take offense at their selfishness being brought to their attention.

Don't get me wrong, there are people that are not that way, and you can easily identify them. They act in such a way as to be in total contrast to the people above. It's so refreshing to see people act this way, that I can't help but smile when I do. Maybe I should start telling them thank you.

I've lived in Seoul, Korea for while, which has eleven million people, and in my time there, I saw few situations where the same kind of egocentric behavior was evident. They are a much more respectful people as a whole. I encountered more reverence from total strangers than from people I associate with now, let alone strangers.

I would just like people to think before they act. We all have to work together in this world, if we want to make it last. Is taking a few extra seconds to consider how you appear to other people too much to ask? Some days I think this is probably so. There would be a lot less animosity and stress if we did.

Even George Bush has taken the country's narcissism to the highest level. When discussing the problems and actions we should take to combat global warming, he said that some steps were not on the table, because they would be bad for the U.S. economy. Well I guess we had better get used to a changed world. This problem and a host of others will never be truly addressed if we continue to think like that... How do you measure up?

Rant over. :o)

Lingering emotions

I am working past the loss of my brother Tracy, but there is a lot that I will never push past, just as there is from the death of my dad, nearly 15 years ago. I mostly regret the things that they will miss seeing... their kids and grandkids growing up and their accomplishments, and the pride that they would have felt inside knowing that they were responsible for getting is all started.

I found a quote that seems to typify my feelings, and will probably use it more than once... because it fits.

"You'll get over it...' It's the clichés that cause the trouble. To lose someone you love is to alter your life forever. You don't get over it because 'it' is the person you loved. The pain stops, and there are new people, but the gap never closes. How could it? The particularness of someone who mattered enough to grieve over is not erased by anyone but death. This hole in my heart is in the shape of you and no one else can fit. Why would I want them to?” - Eskimo Proverb

Tracy Golamb - 1953 to 2009

Farewell my friend

I have some very sad news.

My brother died today from complications of his ALS.
It was beautiful as long as it lasted, but time was too short.
I will miss him severely.
This poem is for you, Tracy.
Safe journey...

=========================

Farewell My Friend

The journey of my life.
I have no regrets whatsoever
save the pain I'll leave behind.
Those dear hearts who love and care...
And the strings pulling at the heart and soul...
The strong arms that held me up
When my own strength let me down.
At every turning of my life I came across good friends,
Friends who stood by me,
Even when the time raced me by.
Farewell, farewell my friends
I smile and bid you goodbye.
No, shed no tears for I need them not
All I need is your smile.
If you feel sad do think of me
for that's what I'll like when you live in the hearts
of those you love, remember then
you never die.
~ Rabindranath Tagore

A snapshot in time

Someone made a comment that they wished I would update my blog more often. They are right, I should. I enjoy writing, and it gives me a little smile when I think I've done an OK job at my latest piece. I'm pleased to hear someone takes the time to read my ramblings. I'm sure they will out live me, and may someday offer a snapshot in time in the life of just another soul on this planet.
So much has happened, it just goes to show that I need to keep up better.

My brother, Tracy is doing about as well as someone can in his situation. My sister and her husband are taking excellent are of Tracy. Even the nurses who make scheduled stops to check in on them, have great things to say about Tanya's attention to our brother. She is very protective of him, and it shows. After some family flap, my syster and I have finally and fully completed taking over Tracy's care and management. It has allowed us to get all of the right people talking to each other and working together. He hasn't had a health incident, like pneumonia, in a month. This will help him recover from past problems and gain some strength. He seems a lot happier these days.

And now for the really big news... I am a grandpa for the first time.
Our first grand child was born yesterday, and I couldn't be more pleased. She is an amazing 5lb. 6oz. little dream come true. I never thought such a tiny thing could bring a 200lb. grumpy guy like myself to tears, just by holding her as she sleeps. Look at this child and tell me you could refuse getting her that new Ford Mustang. I have a feeling she is going to be my Achilles' Heel.



More to come, but right now, I have to go back to the hospital and hold her just a little longer today.

My brother Tracy

Today my heart has never been heavier. My brother, Tracy, was admitted to the hospital once again, for having trouble breathing. His ALS is taking a heavy toll on his body, and I have to wonder how much more he can endure of the trauma assaulting his body. While awake and alert, he is in fairly good spirits. However, those times seem to be farther and farther apart.

We are not close at all anymore... at least not like we used to be. Our differences and changes in attitude have distanced us Nevertheless, he is my only brother and it hurts to watch him in this state of ill health, knowing that every day that passes brings him closer to oblivion.

There was a time a few years ago, when I was stricken with my brain tumor, that I though he would outlive all of us. Now it looks as though he will be the first of us to go. Everyone that has supplied help for him... including, Hospice, the Paralyzed Veterans of America, Social Workers, and so many doctors and nurses have been so understanding and good to him.

My sister Tanya and her husband, Steve, have put their own lives on hold to look after him. They watch after him 24/7 and have asked for nothing for themselves, even though my sister is on disability herself, and Steve was laid off from his job and is currently drawing unemployment. They have done a fantastic job.

All we can do at the moment is watch and wait. I hope Tracy's girls can have the time to spend with him and take away something positive from all of this. Time will tell. I will keep you posted.

Recent news as of March 2009

I haven't written much lately. No excuses really. I've had other things going on, and frankly there isn't much worthy to pass on.

My last MRI was as good as it can get. Nothing more needs to be said about this.

I've been working, seeing my personal trainer multiple times during the week, and trying to use my spare time that's left relaxing. Unfortunately, this doesn't include blogging.

One thing I did start doing again was reading. I was a constant reader for many years, but for some reason I got out of the habit. I read a lot of Robert Fulghum, but as a diversion from my usual stuff, I picked up a book called Jesus Interrupted by Bart Ehrman. I find it fascinating. I am not a religious person and don't discuss religion, but this book validates all of the things I have believed. It's really worth the time for an open-minded person to explore.

I'm still struggling to get my weight to decline, but I am seeing some strides in this area. Age and my love of chocolate chip cookies has posed a bit of a road hazard, but I'm finding ways to still make progress. Glaciers melt faster, but it is happening.

Sue and I are getting back on track and making improvements to the house. We have a laundry list of stuff, but as long as we spend our budget wisely, I think we can make most of it happen this year. We shall see how it goes.

FaceBook

I'm experimenting a little with FaceBook. Let's see if this latest attempt is worthwhile.

Moving on...

I've removed some of my recent posts relating to the political scene. Specifically, stuff relating to Bush, and the Republican and Democratic parties. It's all old news now and no one wants to read about it anyway. I suppose all this will crop up in another three or four years, but for now I'm done with it and have moved on. 

Santa... a criminal?

WASHINGTON, D.C. - When Santa Claus comes to town this week, he’d better watch out — because the federal government may be making a list of his crimes (and checking it twice), the Libertarian Party warned today.

“Hark the federal agents sing, Santa is guilty of nearly everything,” said Libertarian Party press secretary George Getz. “The feds know when Santa’s been bad or good — and he’s been bad, for goodness sakes.”

Does Santa belong in the slammer? Instead of stuffing stockings, should he be making license plates?

Yes, said Getz, if he’s held to the same standards as a typical American. For example:

* Every December 25, the illegal immigrant known as Santa Claus crosses the border into the United States without a passport. He carries concealed contraband, which he sneaks into the country in order to avoid inspection by the U.S. Customs Service. And just what’s in all those brightly colored packages tied up with ribbons, anyway? The Drug Czar and Homeland Security want to know.

* Look at how this international fugitive gets around: Santa flies in a custom-built sleigh that hasn’t been approved by the FAA. He never files a flight plan. He has no pilot’s license. In the dark of night, he rides the skies with just a tiny bioluminescent red light to guide him — a clear violation of traffic safety regulations.

* Pulling Santa’s sleigh: Eight tiny reindeer, a federally protected species being put to hard labor. None of these reindeer have their required shots, and Santa’s never bothered to get these genetically- engineered animals registered and licensed. It’s no wonder: He keeps them penned outside his workplace in a clear violation of zoning laws.

* But Crooked Claus the Conniving Capitalist harms more than just animals — he’s hurting hard-working American laborers, too. Isn’t Santa’s Workshop really Santa’s Sweatshop, where his non-union employees don’t make minimum wage and get no holiday pay? Add the fact that OSHA has never inspected the place, and you have a Third-World elf-exploitation operation that only Kathy Lee Gifford could love.

* No wonder Santa is able to maintain his monopoly over the toy distribution industry: He’s cornered the Christmas gift market. Santa dares to give away his products for free in a sinister attempt to crush all competition — just like Microsoft’s Internet Explorer. Antitrust Lawsuit Memo to the feds: Is Santa Claus the Bill Gates of Christmas?

The bottom line, said Getz: “It might be tough sledding for Jolly St. Nick this Christmas if the government decides to prosecute him.

“We’re just surprised it hasn’t already happened. After all, Santa Claus is everything that politicians aren’t: He’s popular, reliable, and gives us something for nothing every December 25th — instead of taking our money every April 15th,” says Getz.

Another Milestone Bites The Dust

I had my final MRI for the year today, and as all of the prior MRIs this year, it was clear, with no change. This makes the whole year free of any signs of my old enemy. The year has been without any drugs, chemo, etc., so I feel pretty fantastic right about now. 

My physical training is showing signs of getting me back to my old form and then some. A couple of years ago, while I was on chemo, I doubt that I could have done 5 push-ups. Last night, at the start of my training session, I did 70, and I could have done more. I still have some poundage to get off, but I'm feeling now that it's a goal that I can make happen. 

What have we become?

I receive a weekly email from the Digital Journal. In it are various articles, etc. which are good sometimes and not so interesting at others. 

One just published An Open Letter To The Long Island Black Friday Wal-Mart Shoppers, was well written and has you looking inside yourself and asking "What have we become?"

I don't know, but it's disturbing.

My little brother

I'm almost getting to the point of not even reading the news anymore. There is nothing in it that gives us any hope for the future. We have become a society hyper-focused on the negative. The media forces this onto us with every broadcast. We can't turn left or right without being told what a dire situation the world is in. They don't give us hope, just futility. It's inescapable, sad, and disturbing, and I'd rather not play a part in it anymore. Our own personal situations have slid into insignificance, or so they would have us believe. 

This is wrong. We each play an important part, and the stories of our lives are intertwined and important... not just the people close to us, but to the people we have known and made a part of our own world.

I've spoken previously about my brother, Tracy, and so I wanted to talk a little more about the most recent events. His battle with ALS and dementia has reached a point where we finally had to act for him. You look at your siblings and know that they will always be there. That the person that you laughed and played with, would always be at your side. It's a cruel and horrible fate to watch them slip away before your eyes... slowly and helplessly.

I wanted to let you know the latest happenings here. It's important to me to pass this on, both for him, and for me.

We placed Tracy in an assisted care group home on Saturday. We got him a small apartment, to take the place of the house he had lost. We thought with his mobility, and his perceived state of mind this would be a good temporary step. We were wrong. Between last Thursday and Friday, he had wandered off and gotten lost 3 times. He was found on those occasions by the police, fire department, and even (gracious) strangers, who could see that he was not doing well. It became painfully obvious that he had reached a point where he was becoming his own safety issue. It hurt so much to do this. He had become a stranger, and not the brother I knew that was so full of life. We had to do something for him, and do it fast. A group assisted care home was the best solution for him for now, and my mother and Tracy's daughter found him a good one.

I've spent almost every day during the past week getting his house cleaned out. In his life-long job as a diesel mechanic, he had accumulated a LOT of things related to his job. With help from the the family, we have done a good job of emptying out his place. I have no way of sufficiently thanking them for sacrificing them for their time. They gave it willingly, and I deeply appreciate their efforts.

It's a good thing I am in good physical shape. Otherwise I would never be able to move all his stuff. At this point, I still have a couple days worth of effort to clean out his house, but at least that part will be done, and I can go about the task of selling it all off to help pay for his care. It's a ponderous job that I am not looking forward to. I have had to put my own life on hold to do this, but in fact, there is absolutely no one else that can. Somehow, I've dug deep down and found strength I never knew I had. I'm convinced now that this is within all of us. I just found my own for the first time.

Tracy seems to be happy in his new place, but it's so hard to see him like this. My heart aches every time I look into his eyes. I've never felt so helpless.
Now, I'm just trying to help his daughter sort things out and do my best to make sure he has the finances, etc. to live out the rest of his days with some dignity and grace.

Everyone in the family seems to be holding it together, mostly because they have to. My mom has done a remarkable job watching after his welfare and finances, despite her own health situations. She still is watching over her son like any mother would.

Tracy's oldest daughter, Samantha, is faced with the task of watching her dad slip away before her eyes, and have to make decisions no one should have to make at her age. Her own individual life is just taking shape, and she must set some part of that aside to do the things her dad needs of her. She is holding up well, and so I just try to support her, and offer my council as she finds need for it.

I thought about forming a non-profit organization to take the sales from his stuff and make them tax deductible for anyone buying them. This might make them more appealing for purchase, while financing his care. What I found out though, was that getting this sort of thing started was not a job for one person. It takes a team of knowledgeable people and up-front funds to make this happen. This is beyond the scope of my abilities, so I will just do the best I can with the resources I have, and hope it is good enough. 

It has to be.

Robot Wars

There was a program that originated in the UK called Robot Wars. It was the closest thing to reality TV that I have ever watched. It was great for geeks, engineers, mechanics, and anyone who ever wanted to build something and do battle with another. Here's a clip showing a typical night in the arena.

This is one show I'd like to see return to TV. The technology has changed, along with the interest and knowledge to use it. I think there would be a whole batch of new ideas, and a larger number of young people ready to take their enthusiasm from the video screen to real life.

What do you say BBC? Give it some serious thought. There's a whole new crowd of guys just waiting to do battle. Let get to it.

The perfect end to my 2008 Summer

It may not seem like it sometimes, but 2008 has been a great year for me. Of course there have been a few ups and downs, but then who doesn't have those. What I'm most happy with is that I just had my latest MRI, which has been pushed to quarterly. As with all my past MRIs (since the surgery), it is clear of any signs of a reoccurrence. In fact, it looks identical to my other past ones. If it didn't have a date on it, I wouldn't be able to tell the difference. After two and a half years, and with more than a year off any drugs or treatment, I couldn't be happier. I have one more MRI before years end, but we have already discussed pushing them out even further, as our confidence grows. I'm not ready to say it's gone, but it's beginning to have that appearance. Wahoo!

A little word fun with Wordle

A friend of mine send me this link, so I thought it was worthy enough to pass on. Go to Wired Blog site example page first to see what examples have been done from our political leaders, then go to the Wordle site to see other examples, and try it out for yourself. I think you'll find it pretty interesting. Enjoy.

Will it Float?... The real world.

About six weeks ago, I wanted to try Ethos. It's a compound and gas additive that is marketed to increase gas mileage, performance, and decrease emissions. It sounded great, and anything that would make our cars work better is OK with me. However, not being one to get all caught up in the hype, I wanted to try a little out first in a real world test using our own vehicles, before I allowed myself to be swept up in the excitement. If it worked for me in our own cars, I would be sold on its enhancing qualities. 

I am now reporting that in at least one aspect (the most important one in my book), mileage. Ethos does not live up to the hype. I'll give you my results in a minute. 

As far as a performance enhancer, I think this depends on many variables: the driver, the make of car, the engine, blah, blah, blah. Where some might feel a little increase in performance, another might not. The only way to really measure this, is to put the car on a dynamometer and measure it properly. Of course I don't have one in my garage, so it was just done by subjective feel and impression. Personally, I couldn't tell that much difference, but Sue said she could feel something. Your mileage may vary on this.

As far as reduced emissions, this is another item relegated to equipment designed to do so. I have no clue whether it made any difference, but I may save some of what I have left of the Ethos I bought to validate this when it comes time to reregister our cars.

Now for the big one, mileage. I'm disappointed to say that it made no impact. In fact, my own empirical data shows that it did just the opposite. Our driving is painfully predictable, so the driving conditions were nearly exactly the same from the start to the finish of our home test. We also tried different gases... economy gas (Costco), good gas (Chevron). This had no impact.

We drive a Mazda 3. The first tank without Ethos gave us 29.66 mpg. I never have checked the mileage on the Mazda, so I was pretty impressed, and looking forward to an increase. The second and third tank full with Ethos gave us 24.44 and 26.17 mpg respectively. As you can see, the mileage actually went down, and never approached the mileage without Ethos.

We also drive a PT Cruiser. The first tank without Ethos, yielded 22.27 mpg. about what I expected, maybe a little better. I ran three more tank fulls with Ethos. The first one gave me 23.31 mpg. Although it was a slight improvement, it was still within what I would consider the margin of error for combined highway and city driving. Not impressive enough to support the claims. My next two tank fulls yielded 20.79 and 20.28 mpg respectively. Certainly less that I got without Ethos, when I expected better. As you can see, it leveled off, giving a couple miles less per gallon than without it.

Conclusion: I don't consider Ethos the miracle additive that it's claims have made, and will not be using it in the future. I used about 2.0oz for each tank full, and at the price I paid plus shipping, this comes to roughly 3.75 a tank full, which is roughly equal to another gallon of gas. I should expect Ethos to extend my mileage by at least the mileage I was getting, not cut it short, making my tank of gas more expensive for the same or less mpg. So in essence, I'm not going to advocate using Ethos as a mileage enhancer. I'm sorry to those who have gotten better results, and feel it is the best thing since sliced bread. I didn't find it to be so.

Will it float?

I am as concerned about my gas mileage as anyone. I try to do all the right things to my car to make it run as good as it can, but in the end, to quote our fearless leader, G.W. Bush... "It is what it is".

A friend of mine has had some involvement with with a product called Ethos. You can check out the product yourself by clicking on the Ethos link and read about it. It supposedly can increase your mileage and give your car increased performance, but is environmentally safe. The reports available on the site seem encouraging enough, so it's worth a few bucks to give it a spin and see if it's all that it's cracked up to be.

I bought a sample bottle to run a test of my own (there's nothing like a home test to filter out the truth in advertising). I haven't used any yet. I'm still figuring the mileage on our two vehicles, before using it in them.

I suppose it will be a few weeks before I have anything difinitive, but I'm anxious and hopeful that it will give me the same sort of increases is advertises. Stay tuned for further developments.

A little advice on living

Sue and I were discussing the news about Ted Kennedy and his health situation. It reflects right back to my own. As we talked about it, she told me something I never knew before. The day of my brain tumor surgery back on March 22, 2006, she asked the surgeon how much time I might have left? He told her I might only have about six months. She was devastated, but kept this to her self until yesterday. I'm glad I never knew.

I decided at that time though to live my life and enjoy all of the time I could with my family. Two years plus later, I'm enjoying myself more than I ever did. I laugh and play more, and don't find myself worrying about tomorrow as much as I used to. 

While going through some old files on my computer, I found a file which sums up what I want to say better than I could do it myself. I don't remember where I got this, but if you should take anything away from reading this, a change in your view of life would be a pretty good start. So here it is. Enjoy.

+++++++++++++++++++++

We convince ourselves that life will be better after we get married, have a baby, then another. Then we are frustrated that the kids aren't old enough and we'll be more content when they are. After that, we're frustrated that we have teenagers to deal with. We will certainly be happy when they are out of that stage. We tell ourselves that our life will be complete when our spouse gets his or her act together, when we get a nicer car, are able to go on a nice vacation, or when we retire. The truth is, there's no better time to be happy than right now.

If not now, when?
Your life will always be filled with challenges. It's best to admit this to yourself and decide to be happy anyway. Happiness is the way, so, treasure every moment that You have and treasure it more because you shared it with someone special, enough to spend your time with...and remember that time waits for no one.

So, stop waiting
--until your car or home is paid off
--until you get a new car or home
--until your kids leave the house
--until you go back to school
--until you lose ten pounds
--until you gain ten pounds
--until you finish school
--until you get a divorce
--until you get married
--until you have kids
--until you retire
--until summer
--until spring
--until winter
--until fall
--until you die

There is no better time than right now to be happy. Happiness is a journey, not a destination. So-work like you don't need money, Love like you've never been hurt, And dance like no one's watching. They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but then an entire life to forget them.
Take the time to live !!! 

Pictures of the past

I have had some old slides my mom had saved for quite a while. I told her I would look them over and give them back to her. Well, I had them way longer than I should have, and all the while they sat in their container while I did other things.

I finally decided to do something with them, so I fired up the scanner and gave them each a scan. I hadn't tried to scan slides before, but I'm glad I finally did. I'm a lot more encouraged to move on and do the slides of my own that have been sitting around for years waiting for me to do something with them too.

The slides my mom had dated from 1960, to about 1973 or so. It was quite a treat to see them. I had forgotten what a geek I was. Nevertheless, I scanned them all and will build a CD for each of my boys to take with them into the future. Hopefully when they have kids, they can take a few minutes to enjoy them too. 

The following picture is an example of what I discovered. I'm at the top, with my brother and sister beneath me. I would guess I'm about 12 or 13 years old or so. I shouldn't have waited so long to do this. So much water has passed under the bridge since then... and we were all cuter back then too.

I am my brother's keeper

I have taken a turn in my life that was both sudden and unexpected. I guess in the back of my mind I had a feeling that it would eventually come to pass.

As I've already stated in the past, my younger brother was diagnosed with Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis (ALS) which is complicated by frontal lobe dementia. His steady downgrading has become more apparent and I can really begin to see him losing the part that was my little brother.

He has not been able to eat normally, and subsequently has lost a lot of weight. A week ago he got an overdue addition of a feeding tube placed in him so he could take in nourishment. However, that has not gone well. He lives alone and it seems does not have what it takes to look after himself anymore.

A week ago I didn’t know anything about becoming a guardian for another person, but by mid week it was clear that this was exactly what I needed to do. Friday, I spent the majority of the day applying to be a guardian and conservator for my brother. I'm finding out that it’s a very involved process, and requires a number of court appearances to make it permanent. By order of the court, I also had to find an attorney to represent my brother. The whole process is involved and from the look of it, expensive.

For someone trying to do the right thing, and asking nothing in return, it is a stressful and thankless process. I do not know how other people do it.

Let’s see how it goes.

Update: In the end, I decided that this was not the thing to do. I withdrew all petitions placed before the court, before the first hearing date. By taking over my brother's decision making, I basically rob him of his individual civil rights. I will help him as much as I can, but I will not take his basic liberties away from him. As much as I can help it, he will retain these until the day he no longer is able. I love him too much to do anything else.

Bumper stickers for 2008

The temptation is too great, so I just have to share these.

1. Bush: End of an Error
2. That's OK, I Wasn't Using My Civil Liberties Anyway
3. Let's Fix Democracy in THIS Country First
4. If You Want a Nation Ruled By Religion, Move to Iran
5. Bush. Like a Rock. Only Dumber.
6. If You Can Read This, You're Not Our President
7. Of Course It Hurts: You're Getting Screwed by an Elephant!
8. Hey, Bush Supporters: Embarrassed Yet?
9. George Bush: Creating the Terrorists Our Kids Will Have to Fight
10. Impeachment: It's Not Just for Clinton Anymore
11. America : One Nation, Under Surveillance
12. They Call Him "W" So He Can Spell It
13. Whose God Do You Kill For?
14. Jail to the Chief
15. No, Seriously, Why DID We Invade Iraq ?
16. Bush: God's Way of Proving Intelligent Design is Full Of Crap
17. Bad President! No Banana.
18. We Need a President Who's Fluent In At Least One Language
19. We're Making Enemies Faster Than We Can Kill Them
20. Is It Vietnam Yet?
21. Bush Doesn't Care About White People, Either
22. Where Are We Going? And Why Are We In This Hand basket?
23. You Elected Him. You Deserve Him.
24. When Bush Took Office, Gas Was $1.46
25. Pray For Impeachment
26. The Republican Party: Our Bridge to the 11th Century
27. What Part of "Bush Lied" Don't You Understand?
28. One Nation Under Clod
29. 2004: Embarrassed. 2005: Horrified. 2006: Terrified
30. Bush Never Exhaled
31. At Least Nixon Resigned

Asleep at the wheel

Once again, it’s been a while since I made an addition to my page. There’s no excuse really. I can account for a lot of things that have kept me busy… my son’s wedding, my racquetball games with him, the standard domestic engineering jobs around the house, editing our web site and getting it ready for a completely new pricing structure. I guess I can think of plenty more, but they don’t account for the time I wasted either. So here I am trying to rationalize why there in gaps in this. Ha!

I did cross over a very nice milestone though. On March 22, I celebrated the two year anniversary of my brain tumor surgery. The MRI I had at the beginning of the month still shows no sign of it, and this pleases me one heck of a lot. I don’t think of it much anymore, except when the time draws near for my next MRI, which has had the time lengthened between them to three months. I still get a little apprehensive as the time approaches for the next one, but as time marches on, this feeling has lessened.

I hate politics, but I find that I am being drawn into it nevertheless. The presidential election coming up, the war, the economy, and subjects surrounding health care have made me take a more firm stand on these things, and how they are driven by the politics in this country. That though is for another time, when I can be more objective.

My brother has been diagnosed with ALS and dementia, which is beginning to accelerate in its slow, but ever degenerative process. I know I’ve mentioned this in the past. Everyone in the family feels so helpless. It’s like standing on railroad tracks, with a train approaching. You are anchored in between the rails and you can do nothing to free yourself. You can hear the whistle blow, and you know it’s coming your way, but you don’t know how far down the tracks it is and how fast it’s coming, but you know that sometime in the future it will be here and run you over. All you can do is wait and watch for the inevitable end. It’s a tragic way to go, and even more painful to watch to someone you know and love, suffer through it, with no way to change the path they are on.

A quick note about fatigue

I find myself thinking and talking about my experience with my GBM less and less (and actually, I'm happy with that). However one thing is a constant reminder of my recent past. 

It's been about 8 months since my chemo ended, and although I feel pretty great most of the time, I'm still being nagged by fatigue. It continues to be a unwelcome companion, and although I do my best to counteract it. I find it still seems to be sticking with me. I looked up FATIGUE and this is a good general description.

Then I looked up POST CHEMO FATIGUE and this is a fair explanation. There is also an additional issue called CHEMO BRAIN. Although these are all reasonable descriptions for the problem, I'm not especially reassured, that for me, this will soon pass into history. I try to stay active, and at times I do particularly well. I play racquetball with my 22 year-old son twice a week, in what you might consider a very competitive activity. I do very well, but I find that I can't sustain for more than 90 minutes this like I used to. Other times, just simple tasks around our home wear me out. This is the most disturbing part. The highs and lows do not balance out. I weigh more, not less, than I should, and so far, my diet and exercise patterns have not had much of an impact. Making changes to suit my erratic energy level has made little difference.

I haven't given up by any means, but I have too many irons in the fire to be patient waiting for this fatigue to pass. Let's face it... none of us are getting any younger. (Laughing) Among other things, I still haven't learned to snowboard, and at 57, I don't think my timetable has much slack in it.

Turn signals and cell phones

I have a proposal that I think the car makers should take into consideration. We should eliminate turn signals and all of their associated electronics from our cars and trucks. 

Since the use of cell phones in cars has become epidemic, and in our zeal to get where we are going, and put common courtesy on the back burner, no one seems to use them anymore. By eliminating any trace of them from our vehicles, we will see a very nice decrease in the cost of vehicles, and we will no longer be required to remember to use them, because their function will be gone. We can just drive as we have been and leave others to guess what our intention are, just as we have been doing.

I'm sure my driving is a relatively brief part of my day, compared to many other people. Going to work and home takes a total of little more than maybe 40 minutes of each day. But in that time, I'm astounded at the continuing number of highway infractions I witness. In fact, I'm not surprised there aren't a great many more accidents than there are. Changing multiple lanes at a time are becoming common place... and have all the appearances of some sort of moving Tetris, often taking place at the last possible moment before the opportunity completely runs out. Most potential crashes I see are separated from happening by no more than about two seconds.

If the average alert and attentive driver has a reaction speed of around a half second, the margin for error leaves little time for indecision. 

I believe the idea originally behind turn signals is to show intent. That is, broadcast your intended move before you make it. However, what I routinely see is that, if used at all, they are used to indicate immediate action (with just one or two blinks). "I'm changing lanes NOW", leaving everyone else around them to scramble to avoid becoming an unwilling statistic. A great deal of the time though, they aren't used at all. People are using their phones, and can't be bothered with such trivialities. 

The other day as I was entering the freeway from work, I saw a guy driving, holding his PDA/cell phone in one hand (his driving hand), while he was holding a tablet (with the same hand), and making notes on it with the other hand. He was driving a couple MPH slower in the middle lane than the prevailing traffic, because he was already multi-tasked to the limit... and all this during evening traffic. He changed lanes twice in front of me, sort of oozing into his new lane, as opposed to changing lanes. There wasn't time for signaling or anything else, for that matter. And during my short observation of this spectacle, people were changing lanes on either side of him, and setting up a potential situation (none of them really signaling either).

I decided my best course at that moment, was to put as much space between him and I as possible, so I exited the freeway and took a more leisurely and enjoyable route home. 

Whether they are using their cars as their mobile office, or just being bubble-headed and clueless, cell phones and turn signals don't mix well. Since we are less likely to get rid of our addiction to cell phones, eliminating turn signals would be the next logical choice. I could use a cheaper car anyway, or possibly an old military 6x6. 

Most car manufacturers promote high crash ratings these days. I wonder why? 

Happy 2008

Before I get into it, Happy New Year.
I see a lot of changes coming. I hope positive ones are among the best ones I’ll remember at this year’s end.

I have to tell you, I’ve been feeling a little mortal and out of sorts lately. Don’t get me wrong, I feel fine, but the climate around me seems… well, less than optimum.

My brother is about three years younger than me. He was diagnosed with ALS and has the dementia that often accompanies it. From what I can estimate, it started becoming noticeable about a year ago, but it’s slow steady progress made it difficult to recognize, since I don’t see him that much. Now, it’s full-blown and causing a lot of anxiety in the family. What’s made it worse is that he has an 11 year-old daughter. I don’t know if she fully grasps what going on with her dad, but she has to feel a little powerless right now. We all do. His speech is so bad I can barely understand him when he talks. All we can do is watch and wait. It’s incredibly painful to see such a strong personality waste away before your eyes. Memories and experiences withering like a dying oak tree. There is so much about this that I don’t understand.

The political and geo-political situations leave me at a loss for words. I’m not very happy with either of them, but I can do little but watch and try to stay abreast of them both. Hiding your head in the sand accomplishes nothing, but that’s what I feel like doing.

The whole presidential candidate thing leaves me at a loss for words. We haven’t had “the right person for the job” in a very long time, and I can tell right now, it’s going to come down to voting against the person I really don’t want instead of for the person I do want.

The rest of the world seems to be tearing itself apart a little at a time. There seems to be so much hatred. People are not looking for solutions. They just want to promote violence for its own sake. There is no talk that will appease them or bring them to a point of discussion. They just look to the next act of violence or adversity as their pointless goal. Our answer to this is escalation and confrontation, with helpless victims caught in the crossfire. So many innocent lives lost.

The weather has cooled off considerably, and you’d think it would inspire me to get busier and do some of the things I’ve been putting off, but it seems to have had the opposite effect. I find I read more, and get quiet and introspective when the time permits, but my honey-do list seems to be suffering as a result. I scold myself for dragging my feet, but it seems to have had little impact.

My only escape from all of this is my twice-weekly game of racquetball with my youngest son, Aaron. It is the one time during the week when I feel free of the everyday bonds, and can pour myself into something that demands my full attention. We both enjoy the time immensely, and if forces me to forget about everything, if for just a short while. It’s a nice friendly game of “try to destroy the other person.” We always have a few laughs, and walk away with a feeling of accomplishment.

I’d like to fire myself up about other things, as much as I do our racquetball game. I guess I need to stop paying attention to the disagreeable things going on around me. There are a lot of good things going on. Maybe it’s time I start finding and enjoying them. Nobody likes a wet blanket.

Dogs don't bite

A friend of mine and I were in a conversation recently, and as part of this, she recommended a book to me called "Dogs Don't Bite When a Growl Will Do", by Matt Weinstein and Luke Barber. It was published by Perigee books in 2003/2004. After a little investigation, I decided to pick up a copy and I'm glad I did. As it says on the cover, it's about what your dog can teach you about living a happy life.

Now I don't own a dog, but I'm always interested in ways to give me a new outlook on life. I'm maybe two-thirds of the way through it, as of today, but I have to say that I find this book a great companion. It's a lighthearted book full of wit and wisdom, life observations, and philosophic quotes and references. I am enjoying it thoroughly. In fact, I have purchased a copy for each of my boys. They each need to read this for different reasons, but I hope they come away from it with a slightly altered view on how to look at their life and new ways to enjoy it.

We can choose to be miserable, and make those around us miserable. Or we can choose to be happy... but it is a choice. I need to read more books like this.

Is the second amendment obsolete?

I am disturbed and dumbfounded by the shootings that have taken place over the past month. The frequency seems to be increasing, and we seem to be becoming desensitized to these events unless they become more and more horrific.

The issue of the second amendment always comes up, and it is an emotional and polarizing subject. However, I think it is becoming more and more important to address this with a rational mind and decide whether we should consider redefining what this amendment means and how it should be adjusted from a 1791 world to a 2007 world.

I can't tell you what ways this should be done. I used to be a gun owner, but I have chosen to step away from this world. Do the research yourself. There are plenty of second amendment web pages to keep you reading for months, but read them, watch the news, and judge for yourself if it is still being used as it was intended, or just another antediluvian provision.

Here's a couple of links to get you started on your quest. The first was written in September of 1999, and the second was written in December of 2007. Think it over.

My blog in review

I recently took a look at my blog and reread most of them. I found that my opinions and attitudes covered a range of emotions, and although a significant amount of time has passed since I began this, much of what I wrote still (for the most part) reflects my feelings about most subjects. It's interesting to read these from start to finish, like a book. Not always stimulating reading though. Sometimes I don't know what I was thinking.

In the beginning (2004), I put out 47 posts. Not bad really. It was fresh and I wanted to say a lot. We were living in Korea at the time, so I suppose it helped to fill in the empty periods. Looking back, I don't know when that was. I enjoyed my time there immensely, and always look forward to going back whenever we can.

I don't know what happened in 2005. I only made 3 entries. We moved back to the USA in January that year, and I suppose we were preoccupied with getting our life restarted here. I spent most of my time in these blog posts apologizing for not making more entries. I rediscovered that life in the USA is a heck of a lot more complicated than in Korea. I guess it was nice to be busier... sort of. Certainly Shinkendo was a major part of 2005. I profoundly miss those days.

I picked up speed in 2006 with 13 entries, but not much. Of course this was the year when cancer hit the fan. I became sort of hyper-focused on this, but I suppose life occurrences like this have a way of smacking you right between the eyes. I had to give up some things in my new post-cancer life, and for this I feel a great loss. This was also the year I got religion (so to speak, but not really "religion") and did a double take on what was important in my life. My internal pointer got a badly needed recalibration, and I started enjoying the things I'm supposed to. Of course this doesn't mean I'm any less opinionated, just more recentered and introspective.

2007 saw 23 posts. 24 with this one. Although I'm doing my best to put my brain tumor surgery behind me and look forward, I know now that it will always be with me in some fashion, and will never be a distant memory. I'm no Lance Armstrong, but I admire what he is trying to do for the fight against cancer. As I have been made aware of this side of life, I'm learning that there are a lot more people with some form of disease or condition than I ever imagined. I don't know how I missed this before, but I can certainly see them now, and it's disconcerting. This was a year of measurable highs and lows, but a good one nonetheless.

I probably won't go back and look over my blog again, but I'm glad I did it. For all I know, my writings and various ramblings may far outlive me. I don't know if that's a good thing, but at least I know that some of my rambling thoughts will be preserved for some unknown person to trip over. Maybe it might even make a positive impression. I can only hope so.

Too much time on my hands

This is short and sweet, but I've been messing around and have created a little movie for your entertainment. I hope you enjoy it.

Taking a well deserved brain-break

Although it’s been a while since I’ve added anything to this page, it doesn’t mean that I’ve been idle. Let me catch you up.

Back in the first of August I had an MRI, which was good, and on October 3, I had another MRI, which was also fine. I commented to my doctor that even though I’ve been off of the chemo since May, and for that matter everything else as well, things have continued to look great. We are both encouraged by this fact. The longer I go with no problems, the better things look that we have beaten this thing. Although I can’t relax for a while, I listen to stories from people like Lance Armstrong and others, and hope that my success can be added to theirs, of people that have looked death in the face and survived. My doctor also made it clear that my situation is extremely rare, and I have multiple options for future treatment that others in my situation don’t have. How lucky can one guy get? Not much I think.

During the last couple of months I have gone through some sort of cold or flu malady. This was really a major pain. Throughout the last year and a half, while going though all the chemo and having my condition and resistance in a less than optimum condition, I never once got sick. Now that I’ve been off that stuff for a while, I seem to be more susceptible. How weird is that?

About a month and a half ago I picked up some sort of bug, missed a few days of work, and felt funky for about a week with it. What followed though, was another month of feeling less than normal. My upper respiratory system was aching most of the time, I had a lot of sinus headaches, the lump of crap in the back of my throat never seemed to go away, and my energy level was continuously in the pits. I felt worse than when I was on the chemo, and it dragged on and on. I was beginning to feel like I was never going to feel normal again. I continued to try to work out and play racquetball (my son Aaron kicks my butt no matter what anyway), but the extra activity taxed my system, and I usually paid for it later.

The only consolation was that I wasn’t alone. All around me at work, you could hear the same sort of coughing, hacking, and sneezing I had been going through. Most of the time, they sounded even worse than I did. Some of the people around me got it before I did, and were still struggling with it even after I was more or less back to normal. My workmate, who sits in the next cube from me, got the same thing. He was out of work for an entire week, and spent the next month or more sounding worse than I ever did. Some people are still struggling with whatever it is, and it’s been at least three months or more since this whole cycle of sickness started. Actually, by the time my part was over with, I felt like I had done better than most, but one thing began to become clear, it was the environment we were working in that was the culprit for all of our combined misery.

I had read somewhere that some working environments were responsible for perpetuating health problems, but it hasn’t been until lately that realized that we were spending most of our working day in one of them. We spend more of the working day breathing the same air, in cloth walled and carpeted cubicles that were probably a breeding ground for dust and bacteria. We were all adding to it by showing up to work partially sick and spreading our germs into the air, but all of this woven material was soaking it up and keeping it there for us to rebreathe every day thereafter. I looked forward to getting out of the building at lunch, just to get a little fresh air. A lot other people feel the same way, but we are just one time voice in a large corporate machine, so our opinions count for little, and no one listens anyway.

I’m taking vacation now with Sue. This is the first real vacation we’ve taken since we moved back to the USA from Korea, back in January of 2005… and it feels fantastic. It’s funny though… here we are back in Seoul and loving every minute of it.

It is particularly liberating for me. Could feel the stress melt away the moment I got on the plane. Singapore Airline was always my favorite, but they have even gone up a couple notches from there. They have upgraded their planes and service since I last flew with them, so it is even nicer than before, and the twelve-hour plus flight was as nice as it could possibly could be. Flying first class would be the only improvement I could make, but coach now with Singapore Air is the best I’ve experienced.

Here in Korea, I am as relaxed as a body can be. I have no cell phone, no watch, no worries, no money (Sue has that), no timetable, and no interest in changing the status on my busy (NOT) schedule. This is a true vacation, and a total brain-break. The only way it would improve is if I had no reason to go back. Of course that’s not going to happen, so I’m taking full advantage of the current situation.

I hope you’ll excuse the length of this. I’m just feeling… well, relaxed.

A new spot on the map

While I was chatting with my doctor the other day, the subject of food came up. Knowing that Sue is Korean, she asked me if I knew of a good Korean restaurant. I said, "Well, no. The only Korean food I've found worth my time is at my house."

She laughed and said she likes kimchi, but didn't know of any place in the valley I could recommend. I guess she felt that I'm the resident expert. I'm not, but after having lived in Korea for a while, my taste buds have matured a bit. Sort of like trying to find REAL Mexican food in Arizona as well. It's very hard. In the USA, we've managed to Americanize ethnic food from every corner of the globe to our own taste, and causing it to lose virtually all of the stuff that made it great ethnic food. There are exceptions, but you have to do a lot of searching and experimentation before finding a shining star... if there is one.

Anyway, the same day that my doctor and I had our conversation, I was driving home from work on a different route, because my car was running on fumes. On my way to get gas, I passed a restaurant that I never saw there before. It's called the Manna Cafe. It was clearly Korean, because there was Hangul right on their sign.

On Saturday, Sue and I went there, because I had to check this place out. Well, I can say now that it was worth the effort. I had their mushroom tofu soup, and Sue had a humongous bowl of noodles. The side dishes were a tasty addition as well. They were all of what I remembered from my time in Korea, but I think I'm going to have to go back a few more times to check out more items on the menu to be sure. I'm just glad it's only a few miles from work, making it a short drive for some great Korean food.

You learn something new every day

I haven't talked much lately about my progress or status of Glioblastoma Multiforme (brain tumor) they removed from my head last year, and as time goes on, I suppose I'll be talking even less, but today I had my latest MRI. The results showed no change, which is great. That means that as far as anyone can see (and it's been about 18 months or so since this whole thing began, and two months since the termination of any treatment) there has been no growth or detectable difference in my status. Of course this is fantastic news, and my doctors couldn't be more pleased.

But I learned something today. The MRI tech, Karl (big guy, nice as they come), had a few minutes before his next appointment, so we talked about a few things... drag racing, kids, and the MRI system. They do the MRI with and without contrast, to get a better look at what's going on. To give added contrast to the image, they inject a fluid with has magnetic properties. I never knew what it was, but Karl told me the stuff is called Gadolinium... Number 64 on the Periodic Table. Being the curious techie sort that I am, I looked it up. I recommend that you do the same, but in short, here's what I learned.

Gadolinium is used in nuclear marine propulsion systems as a burnable poison. The gadolinium slows the initial reaction rate, but as it decays other neutron poisons accumulate, allowing for long-running cores. Gadolinium is also used as a secondary, emergency shut-down measure in some nuclear reactors, particularly of the CANDU type. The CANDU reactor is a pressurized heavy water reactor developed initially in the late 1950s and 1960s.

Gadolinium also possesses unusual metallurgic properties, with as little as 1% of gadolinium improving the workability and resistance of iron, chromium and related alloys to high temperatures and oxidation.

Because of their paramagnetic properties, solutions of organic gadolinium complexes and gadolinium compounds are used as intravenous radiocontrast agents to enhance images in medical magnetic resonance imaging. Magnevist is the most widespread example.

Besides MRI, gadolinium (Gd) is also used in other imaging. In X-ray, gadolinium is contained in the phosphor layer suspending in a polymer matrix at the detector. Terbium-doped gadolinium oxysulfide (Gd2O2S: Tb) at the phosphor layer is to convert the X-rays releasing from the source into light. Gd can emit at 540nm (green light spectrum = 520 – 570nm), which is very useful for enhancing the imaging quality of the X-ray that are exposed to the photographic film.

A "nm" is nanometer for those of you who were wondering. A nanometer is a unit of spatial measurement that is 10-9 meter, or one billionth of a meter. It is commonly used in nanotechnology, the building of extremely small machines.

Anyway, beside Gd's spectrum range, the compound also has a K-edge at 50 kiloelectron volt (keV), which means its absorption of X-ray through photoelectric interactions is great. The energy conversion of Gd is up to 20%, which means, one-fifth of the X-ray striking on the phosphor layer can be converted into light photons.

I found it interesting anyway, but then I've got the stuff floating around in my system for a while. This accounts for my magnetic personality, er uh, well maybe.

Music worth your time

I'm a huge fan of internet radio for three main reasons...

1. I hate the chat and other things from DJ's, etc.
2. I don't like the break-up of songs (not playing the whole thing, interrupting the stream of consciousness [mood] for things like commercials, etc.
3. Primarily though, because I can hear great music not played on standard radio stations.... Little known artists, other tracks on albums often ignored, and music from other countries and cultures not available elsewhere.

There are plenty of secondary reasons, but these cover the main points.

I can listen wherever I have an internet connection, and since I've gone wireless in our home, I've connected a computer to our stereo, so we can play it all day long, with no interruptions... just great music. And because they post the information on the music they play, I can get the name of the tunes and artists I like and buy the CDs for my own collection.

My taste in music is about as broad as it gets (sorry though... not much country, and no rap or hip hop). I like to experiment listening to other culture's music, because you'll never know what might hit you just the right way. However I am an old time rock & roller at heart. At work though, and at home too, I find my taste is a little toned down. I want to relax and give my mind a break from the stress of the day.

Some radio stations also transmit on the internet, but I only listen to the ones with no talk and no commercials.

Some of my favorites are:

KCDX - Rock & Roll

Sky.fm - Where you can find a large assortment of music. I like their New Age channel.

Digitally Imported - Lots more of the same.

While listening, I found a fantastic husband and wife group called Laliya. They are in Perth, Australia and have a sound that I find relaxing and at the same time painting pictures in my mind and taking me places I've never been before. If you're curious enough to check them out, go to MySpace and give them a listen. I hope you enjoy them as much as I do.

There is no God

I was raised Catholic. As a youth I attended church, served the church as a alter boy, and felt that what I was doing was right and had purpose. As I got older and began to analyze my thinking more closely I could see there were flaws in my faith. I watched as people around me (very intelligent people) rationalized the things they had no control over (or placed accountability) on something they could not see, feel, or even prove the existence of.

As science and technology has advanced and we have learned much more beyond applying existing knowledge to something, or even applying blind faith to some occurance, it has become ever more apparent that there is no God. There is only us, and what we do with our time while we are here on earth.

I do not argue the point well, so I do not get into discussions on religeon, but I found a few sites that substantiate what I know in my own mind to be true.

Proof that there is no God by Fredrik Bendz, There is No God by Penn Jillette, and There is No God (And You Know It) by Sam Harris

These sites express my sentiments, and validate by own belief that we are here for the time we are here... and no more.

And now for something completely different

On Monday, June 11, I learned a new word...

in·nu·en·do
Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[in-yoo-en-doh]
–noun, plural -dos, -does.
1. an indirect intimation about a person or thing, esp. of a disparaging or a derogatory nature.
2. Law.
a. a parenthetic explanation or specification in a pleading.
b. (in an action for slander or libel) the explanation and elucidation of the words alleged to be defamatory.
c. the word or expression thus explained.

New definitions based on experience:
3. An Italian suppository.
4. A colonoscopy.

Ok, seriously now... I had my first colonoscopy on Monday. And while there are a lot of jokes and laughs that come out of the preparation part, it's a serious and simple procedure that I now feel that every person should have done, when the time is right.

Other than having to take a day off work, it's virtually painless and easy to do. I had a certain amout of trepidation about the whole thing, but most of that was from ignorance. However, I knew that it was important that I do this, so I did. When it was all over, I thought to myself, "What's the big deal? That was a piece of cake."

Normally if they don't find anything, you can expect to go back in about ten years for a follow-up. In my case, they removed a couple of polyps, so I need to go back in three years, instead. If you're wondering what polyps are, check out this site...
Colon Polyps
This covers the subject well, and should answer any questions.

If you're at risk (which I am not), then it's all the more important to talk to your doctor about having one done. Don't wait and don't put it off.

Now that it's all over, I want to recommend to any of you that are getting ready to have the procedure, or are putting it off for one reason or another... get it done. It can save your life, or at the very least, give you some piece of mind.

Besides, everyone can use an extra day off work.

June 07 is finally here

It‘s been a while since I’ve had time to sit down and write something, although it’s been near the top of my list for the past couple of weeks.
I’ve been enjoying my freedom from chemo treatments, and although it’ll be a little while longer before it’s out of my system, I can already begin to notice the difference. What I have to do now is make an effort to use that energy to get some things done. After spending the last year and a half in energy saving mode, getting my butt moving is not always easy. I’m about 25 lbs. heavier now, so that is the first thing that has to be addressed. I’ve increased my workouts a little, but that takes breaking habits I’ve accumulated. Bad Tink!

Sue’s garden is producing well, and although it’s our first attempt at doing this, we’re both happy with the result. At least I’ve shown myself I don’t always kill every plant I try to grow. Some of them have proven to be quite tasty. Allowing something to ripen on the vine is, of course, vastly superior to buying something picked prematurely and displayed in the grocery store.

Sue’s sister and husband are coming for a visit from Korea at the end of the month and I will be glad to see them again. I can’t speak Korean, but we seem to enjoy each other’s company all the same. Sue is kept busy at translating, but she doesn’t seem to mind doing it. I’m sure I bug her a lot about what I’m missing, but she smiles and puts up with all my questions.

We had an even bigger surprise within the past couple of weeks. Sue’s sister managed to find Sue’s kids in Seoul after 15 years of not having contact. I’ll talk more about this in the future, but I had always wished that she would be able to reestablish contact with them. When she came to America, and time wore on, I had all but given up hope.
Finding them is fantastic news. They haven’t actually spoken or emailed each other yet, but that will all happen very soon. The next few weeks are going to get really interesting.

A May to remember

May has been a great month in a number of ways, but the best two both relate to health.

Number one… I took my last series of chemo at the beginning of May. I can’t believe it’s finally over… well, yes I can. It’s been a long time coming, and while I was taking the stuff, I didn’t think this time would ever come. It’ll take a couple of months to clear it from my system, but it’s been about two and a half weeks since the last dose, and I already feel so much better. My weight workouts are already getting stronger, and my racquetball games against my son are returning to the pre-chemo days (last night we played for an hour and got one and a half games in). I’ve packed on an extra 25 lbs. since this whole adventure started, so this has GOT to be the first thing to go.

Number two… I had an MRI yesterday, and it came through looking like every other one I’ve had since the surgery. Clear with no sign of anything going on. This is fantastic news! I looked at the scans with my doctor, and if there weren’t a date visible on the scan you wouldn’t be able to tell one scan from another.

We are stretching out my visits now, so it won’t be such a regular thing anymore. I have also started making plans with dates out there a ways. I’ve lived my life in two-month increments for the past year and a half, so it feels terrific to be able to look ahead and see a little further down the road. I'm already beginning to view this whole experience as just a side trip with some valuable lessons included. Now I can get back on the main highway and enjoy the scenery again.

The last year and a half was tough on my Sue. She didn’t sign on to our journey together to have her mettle put to the test like this. However, she has stuck in there and been with me fighting this every step of the way. I’m sure there were a lot of times when the worry and stress were not easy to overcome, but she never let me see that side of her. She has always been one of the bravest and most resolute people I’ve known. Now it’s time for me to return some of that energy to her. I can never give her back all that she has given, but I’m sure as hell going to try.