Over the weekend, I went to an optical shop to get new lenses for my glasses. The cute girl behind the counter told us that my prescription was nearly expired, and so I found myself explaining once again that I had had a bad year last year, and I wanted to make sure I was going to be around a bit longer, before I went to the trouble to refill my prescription. After a short interaction about what had taken place, we moved on and completed the transaction.
It occurred to me afterward that because a year had passed, and I was not only still above ground, but thriving and improving as well,and finding it less and less necessary to explain my reasons for postponing certain actions, and the reasons for why I was doing so.
It’s not that I have forgotten what transpired, or felt that it was unimportant. On the contrary, I still feel it every day. I still have chemo drugs in my system and will continue to do so for at least a few more months, and I can still feel the scar where the doctor cut open my skull (the nerves have not repaired themselves yet, so it is still somewhat numb). I just find that I am trying to move past that episode in my life, and not make justification for my lack of doing certain things. I look plenty normal, and from my level of activity, no one would normally notice what I still feel inside. I mask it fairly well, and only those closest to me can tell when I’m having an off time. Sometimes not even then.
I’m finding it easier now to look forward, and plan for more than just a month ahead. I am still making careful decisions about the future, but am doing so with a bit more far-sightedness than I did even a few months ago. I’d like to see this continue. I have some milestones coming up, and would like to see them come and go with as little impact on my life as possible. There is plenty to do, and I have years of marriage and (hopefully!)grandkids to look forward to. There is a long list of places left to visit, and unfinished projects to complete, so the less I have to think and talk about my previous GBM, the better. I’d much rather talk about gardening or carburetors any day.
Monday, March 26, 2007
Friday, March 23, 2007
A time for change
Yesterday was an anniversary of sorts. One year ago, on March 22, I was rushed into surgery to remove the Grade IV GBM, residing in the back of my brain. It hardly seems like it was a year ago. So much has happened since then. Aside from the follow-up treatments, which have sucked a fair portion of my energy away for the past year, I feel great. I haven’t returned to my former self, but I’ve changed in mind and body since then, so I don’t know that my inner self wants to be the person that I was.
I’m working out again regularly and I like that a lot. I’m surprised that I’m as strong as I am, and can do pretty much what I want to. My only problem now is, where do I want to go from here? The simple fact that I’m older and (let’s face it) slower than I used to be has me reevaluating what my new interests should be. I gave up Shinkendo because I didn’t know how soon I might come back to it. Now that I’m at that crossroads, I don’t have the interest in retraining to regain my former expertise. I’ll be, for the most part, competing with kids 1/3 to ½ my age. And although I don’t feel like that might stop me, I will never come back up to the level that will make me a valued contributor. The sport has not sat idle while I have been out, so I have a lot of new material to learn, while honing the old stuff. That a pretty steep climb to make just to satisfy some sort of undefined inner goal.
Besides, I have so many other things I’ve yet to try, I feel like it’s time for me to take pride in what I accomplished and find a new challenge. There are plenty of unexplored opportunities still waiting, so I’d better get busy.
I finished building Sue’s greenhouse, and she already has plenty of plants poking up through the ground. I hope all the tomatoes, squash, peppers, spinach, strawberries, and herbs turn out as well as they are starting. I’m anxious to award her with a farmer’s merit badge. She seems so excited about her efforts so far. We have flowers growing everywhere as well.
This year (although it's having a rocky start) seems to be in substantial contrast to the one we just had. I hope it continues to brighten up and improve as it continues through spring. The Year of the Pig could be a good one for us.
I’m working out again regularly and I like that a lot. I’m surprised that I’m as strong as I am, and can do pretty much what I want to. My only problem now is, where do I want to go from here? The simple fact that I’m older and (let’s face it) slower than I used to be has me reevaluating what my new interests should be. I gave up Shinkendo because I didn’t know how soon I might come back to it. Now that I’m at that crossroads, I don’t have the interest in retraining to regain my former expertise. I’ll be, for the most part, competing with kids 1/3 to ½ my age. And although I don’t feel like that might stop me, I will never come back up to the level that will make me a valued contributor. The sport has not sat idle while I have been out, so I have a lot of new material to learn, while honing the old stuff. That a pretty steep climb to make just to satisfy some sort of undefined inner goal.
Besides, I have so many other things I’ve yet to try, I feel like it’s time for me to take pride in what I accomplished and find a new challenge. There are plenty of unexplored opportunities still waiting, so I’d better get busy.
I finished building Sue’s greenhouse, and she already has plenty of plants poking up through the ground. I hope all the tomatoes, squash, peppers, spinach, strawberries, and herbs turn out as well as they are starting. I’m anxious to award her with a farmer’s merit badge. She seems so excited about her efforts so far. We have flowers growing everywhere as well.
This year (although it's having a rocky start) seems to be in substantial contrast to the one we just had. I hope it continues to brighten up and improve as it continues through spring. The Year of the Pig could be a good one for us.
Sunday, March 04, 2007
Ready? Forward --- March
Here we are at the beginning of March, and I have to tell you that I lost my bet with Sue. Although I gave it a good effort (not my best), I could not get my waist down to a 32. I could get into some of my pants that were 32s, but it was a painful experience. The bet was in good fun, but she'll have that to remind me of until we can find something else to bet on.
We worked on Sue's vegetable garden this weekend, and finished getting it ready for planting. We finished off the construction of it and by lunchtime on Sunday, she was already poking seeds and a few plants in the ground. It'll be interesting how things go. The spinach we had already planted is doing very well and producing leaves four times larger than any I've seen in the store. If the tomatoes do as well (I've never raised tomatoes), we'll have them coming out the wazoo in about six weeks. So far, so good.
I try not to listen to politics, but sometimes it's almost impossible. It's in our faces every day, and no matter how hard we try to avoid it... there it is. So I'm going to have my brief say and from there, forget about it.
I have not been pleased with whe Iraq war and the deceitfulness that seems to be part of the normal mode of operation of giving us the facts as the government sees them. They point so many fingers back and forth, that you can 't even keep score anymore. John Kyle and John McCain were steadfast republican supporters of Bush and his war. McCain even said that we needed to send more troops than even Bush wanted to send. Kyle has basically disappeared from the landscape after the election. I supose he's in an undisclosed location keeping his head down.
I wrote letters to Kyle and McCain teling them that if they were going to continue to support Bush, I could no longer support them. A few days later, I heard reports that McCain was losing popularity, so I guess I wasn't the only one. A lot of Bush supporters like him are going to have to do a lot of backpeddeling and distancing, if they are to keep their own image in the popular view. However, I meant what I said about McCain. As far as I'm concerned, his run for the White House is just exercise.
Did you ever notice that before the last election, there was hardly ever the mention of the word "bipartisan"? Now that Bush is set back on his heels, it bipartisan this, and bipartisan that. I'll be glad when he's out of the media focal point and I don't have to look at his smug face anymore. He's giving self-righteous people a bad name.
I start session 10 of my chemo treatment on Monday. Two more to go after that. Wahoo! I've been doing that stuff for so long, I've forgotten what it feels like to be normal. The working out has helped. I'm a lot stronger than I thought I was and I'm making progress improvements as I dive into the next change in my program. I'm surprised to find that the best I feel all day is when I'm working out and pushing my body to its limits. The worst I feel all day is when I'm sitting on my can. I do believe there's a message there somewhere. This is especially true as the weather gets nicer everyday, and being outside feels so good. Sitting on my patio and using my wireless connection somehow feels so right.
We worked on Sue's vegetable garden this weekend, and finished getting it ready for planting. We finished off the construction of it and by lunchtime on Sunday, she was already poking seeds and a few plants in the ground. It'll be interesting how things go. The spinach we had already planted is doing very well and producing leaves four times larger than any I've seen in the store. If the tomatoes do as well (I've never raised tomatoes), we'll have them coming out the wazoo in about six weeks. So far, so good.
I try not to listen to politics, but sometimes it's almost impossible. It's in our faces every day, and no matter how hard we try to avoid it... there it is. So I'm going to have my brief say and from there, forget about it.
I have not been pleased with whe Iraq war and the deceitfulness that seems to be part of the normal mode of operation of giving us the facts as the government sees them. They point so many fingers back and forth, that you can 't even keep score anymore. John Kyle and John McCain were steadfast republican supporters of Bush and his war. McCain even said that we needed to send more troops than even Bush wanted to send. Kyle has basically disappeared from the landscape after the election. I supose he's in an undisclosed location keeping his head down.
I wrote letters to Kyle and McCain teling them that if they were going to continue to support Bush, I could no longer support them. A few days later, I heard reports that McCain was losing popularity, so I guess I wasn't the only one. A lot of Bush supporters like him are going to have to do a lot of backpeddeling and distancing, if they are to keep their own image in the popular view. However, I meant what I said about McCain. As far as I'm concerned, his run for the White House is just exercise.
Did you ever notice that before the last election, there was hardly ever the mention of the word "bipartisan"? Now that Bush is set back on his heels, it bipartisan this, and bipartisan that. I'll be glad when he's out of the media focal point and I don't have to look at his smug face anymore. He's giving self-righteous people a bad name.
I start session 10 of my chemo treatment on Monday. Two more to go after that. Wahoo! I've been doing that stuff for so long, I've forgotten what it feels like to be normal. The working out has helped. I'm a lot stronger than I thought I was and I'm making progress improvements as I dive into the next change in my program. I'm surprised to find that the best I feel all day is when I'm working out and pushing my body to its limits. The worst I feel all day is when I'm sitting on my can. I do believe there's a message there somewhere. This is especially true as the weather gets nicer everyday, and being outside feels so good. Sitting on my patio and using my wireless connection somehow feels so right.
Saturday, February 24, 2007
Tax procrastination
I REALLY need to get going on my taxes, but this is a whole easier, so that job will have to wait just a little longer.
Aaron and I have been working out for about three or four weeks now, and I think we are beginning to see some improvement. Our strength has improved and I feel better than I have in a long time. We also play racquetball once a week. He continues to outscore me, but it takes him a half hour to do it. The gap in our scores is also closing. I do get tired and so we only play for an hour now. This is a great time for Aaron and I to spend together. We talk a little, but mostly just spend our time together doing something we like. He's really busy these days, so I treasure the limited time we have together.
I going to try introducing a little running into my routine on the days when I don't lift weights or ride the bike. My waist isn't changing much, so I'm going to ratchet up my workouts up a little to see if it helps.
Last weekend, I built a (sort of) greenhouse for Sue. It started out as an engineering project to see if I could create one, and turned out to be pretty neat. It's not especially large, but will give her some dedicated space to grow vegetables and stuff. It's partially self-watering also, so it won't take as much effort to keep going. We'll see how this pans out.
The big deal this week happened when I went to see the dentist. Since the surgery last year, I've noticed an acceleration in my teeth showing signs of wear. My dentist took a look and said that people who have had radiation treatments like I have, often have the same sort of things happening to their teeth. Deterioration increases, along with the added propensity for cavities. It doesn't help that I grind my teeth in my sleep like a millstone.
The good news is that he can fix it.
The bad news is the amount of damage requires some extensive work. This also means extensive charges, to the tune of about $9000 or so. Yikes!! I suspected it was going to cost, but I never imagined that sort of amount. He itemized it all out, and it all makes sense. It just doesn't make it any easier to swallow. Who has that sort of money for this sort of thing anyway? Maybe if your're a celebrity with lots of cash this wouldn't be a big deal, but an average joe like me, it's huge, huge bucks.
I guess I won't start building my new hot rod for quite a while. That gardening thing might turn out to be a something I can do in the mean time. Maybe I'll learn how not to murder the plants before they produce something good.
Aaron and I have been working out for about three or four weeks now, and I think we are beginning to see some improvement. Our strength has improved and I feel better than I have in a long time. We also play racquetball once a week. He continues to outscore me, but it takes him a half hour to do it. The gap in our scores is also closing. I do get tired and so we only play for an hour now. This is a great time for Aaron and I to spend together. We talk a little, but mostly just spend our time together doing something we like. He's really busy these days, so I treasure the limited time we have together.
I going to try introducing a little running into my routine on the days when I don't lift weights or ride the bike. My waist isn't changing much, so I'm going to ratchet up my workouts up a little to see if it helps.
Last weekend, I built a (sort of) greenhouse for Sue. It started out as an engineering project to see if I could create one, and turned out to be pretty neat. It's not especially large, but will give her some dedicated space to grow vegetables and stuff. It's partially self-watering also, so it won't take as much effort to keep going. We'll see how this pans out.
The big deal this week happened when I went to see the dentist. Since the surgery last year, I've noticed an acceleration in my teeth showing signs of wear. My dentist took a look and said that people who have had radiation treatments like I have, often have the same sort of things happening to their teeth. Deterioration increases, along with the added propensity for cavities. It doesn't help that I grind my teeth in my sleep like a millstone.
The good news is that he can fix it.
The bad news is the amount of damage requires some extensive work. This also means extensive charges, to the tune of about $9000 or so. Yikes!! I suspected it was going to cost, but I never imagined that sort of amount. He itemized it all out, and it all makes sense. It just doesn't make it any easier to swallow. Who has that sort of money for this sort of thing anyway? Maybe if your're a celebrity with lots of cash this wouldn't be a big deal, but an average joe like me, it's huge, huge bucks.
I guess I won't start building my new hot rod for quite a while. That gardening thing might turn out to be a something I can do in the mean time. Maybe I'll learn how not to murder the plants before they produce something good.
Saturday, February 03, 2007
Ten Month Hiatus
From the begining of my brain tumor problems, I have laid off doing any kind of real physical working out. The result was not pretty. I've gained at least two inches to my middle and about 30 pounds. This was not only disappointing, but unhealthy as well. Although I've been wanting to get on some sort of program again, the chemo and the fatigue from it seemed to put my drive in "Park". But I've decided that I had had enough when my pant were beginning to get tight again... not to mention my profile in the mirror was looking less and less appealing.
I bought a Bowflex and a recumbent bike and decided that I was going to put a stop to my increasing diameter and limited energy level. Aaron, my youngest son felt the same way. He had backed off from his past activity, and for different reasons was feeling too big for his britches.
We have been working out regularly for just two weeks, and I have to say that for myself, I am already feeling the difference. My weight hasn't begun to drop yet, but my physical abilities on the machines has improved considerably. The best I feel all day is when I am working out. I already am feeling an increase in my energy level, albeit small, but I can tell it is having its positive effects. We have also begun playing racquetball once a week for an hour. We aren't back to our pre-tumor form, but the games are still way more lively that I ever expected.
I am just about to begin a new chemo cycle, so I don't know how all this will effect my performance, but I can already see that I won't be slumping back to my old level. I hope as I get stronger, my lack of energy will begin to fade and I can feel more like my prior self.
I bet my wife, Sue, $500 dollars I could be at a 32 inch waist by March 1. We never exchange the cash on our bets, but the pressure to live up to my bet is there all the same. Let's hope I didn't get in over my head this time.
I bought a Bowflex and a recumbent bike and decided that I was going to put a stop to my increasing diameter and limited energy level. Aaron, my youngest son felt the same way. He had backed off from his past activity, and for different reasons was feeling too big for his britches.
We have been working out regularly for just two weeks, and I have to say that for myself, I am already feeling the difference. My weight hasn't begun to drop yet, but my physical abilities on the machines has improved considerably. The best I feel all day is when I am working out. I already am feeling an increase in my energy level, albeit small, but I can tell it is having its positive effects. We have also begun playing racquetball once a week for an hour. We aren't back to our pre-tumor form, but the games are still way more lively that I ever expected.
I am just about to begin a new chemo cycle, so I don't know how all this will effect my performance, but I can already see that I won't be slumping back to my old level. I hope as I get stronger, my lack of energy will begin to fade and I can feel more like my prior self.
I bet my wife, Sue, $500 dollars I could be at a 32 inch waist by March 1. We never exchange the cash on our bets, but the pressure to live up to my bet is there all the same. Let's hope I didn't get in over my head this time.
Sunday, January 28, 2007
Dimwit drivers beware
Recently I found a few sites that you may find of interest.
http://www.driversrevenge.com/
http://www.idiotdriveralert.com/
http://www.safedrivinginstitute.com/index2.html
We've all experienced bad drivers almost every day. People using their cell phones or pdas while driving, putting on make-up, eating, changing clothes, or just being a blockhead on the highway. I only drive a short distance to work everyday, but I see a never ending supply of bad drivers. I guess they feel that rules of the road are for everyone else. There are plenty of examples of really bad drivers on these sites, so I won't repeat them here. Check them out for yourself.
If you're tired of just putting up with all the idiot drivers out there, here is your chance to let your feelings be known. Record the pertinent information, then go to to one of these sites to voice your ire. If nothing else, you can let off a little steam. Maybe some real good will eventually come of this.
http://www.driversrevenge.com/
http://www.idiotdriveralert.com/
http://www.safedrivinginstitute.com/index2.html
We've all experienced bad drivers almost every day. People using their cell phones or pdas while driving, putting on make-up, eating, changing clothes, or just being a blockhead on the highway. I only drive a short distance to work everyday, but I see a never ending supply of bad drivers. I guess they feel that rules of the road are for everyone else. There are plenty of examples of really bad drivers on these sites, so I won't repeat them here. Check them out for yourself.
If you're tired of just putting up with all the idiot drivers out there, here is your chance to let your feelings be known. Record the pertinent information, then go to to one of these sites to voice your ire. If nothing else, you can let off a little steam. Maybe some real good will eventually come of this.
Thursday, January 25, 2007
Warning! Rant Approaching: The new normal
I've been bugged by this for a long time, but this is the first time I've said something that probably bugs others as well.
Why has dishonesty become the norm? We see it and hear it every day... from politicians, diplomats, movie and TV stars, criminals, officials that are paid to serve us, etc. When asked a direct question, even when the smoking gun is obvious, their answer always seems to be that they didn't do it. "I did not have sex with that woman", "I didn't say that. It never happened", the plea is always "Not Guilty", or their memory no longer clear. When asked a direct question and their back is tightly against the wall, the facts suddenly seem foggy and unreliable. Their publicist tells the media that she was just going for a burger. It was the band's fault, not mine. It was a costume malfunction. I didn't know the stunt was dangerous. The files were inadvertently destroyed. Make a long winded statement and dance around the question, when all we really want is a simple Yes or No.
Is it me, or has personal integrity, moral principals, and responsibility become just a thing of our honored past and replaced with hypomnesia. I would have a hard time directly lying to someone I knew, let alone an entire country or group of admirers. However the people we most look up to do this to us every day. Deniability is practically cliche'.
Have we become such a jaded society that we have come to expect bullshit expanations instead of the simple truth?... Even under oath?... I hope not, but these days I'm not sure what the actual truth of any matter really is. Who can you really trust? If anyone knows, please tell me.
Why has dishonesty become the norm? We see it and hear it every day... from politicians, diplomats, movie and TV stars, criminals, officials that are paid to serve us, etc. When asked a direct question, even when the smoking gun is obvious, their answer always seems to be that they didn't do it. "I did not have sex with that woman", "I didn't say that. It never happened", the plea is always "Not Guilty", or their memory no longer clear. When asked a direct question and their back is tightly against the wall, the facts suddenly seem foggy and unreliable. Their publicist tells the media that she was just going for a burger. It was the band's fault, not mine. It was a costume malfunction. I didn't know the stunt was dangerous. The files were inadvertently destroyed. Make a long winded statement and dance around the question, when all we really want is a simple Yes or No.
Is it me, or has personal integrity, moral principals, and responsibility become just a thing of our honored past and replaced with hypomnesia. I would have a hard time directly lying to someone I knew, let alone an entire country or group of admirers. However the people we most look up to do this to us every day. Deniability is practically cliche'.
Have we become such a jaded society that we have come to expect bullshit expanations instead of the simple truth?... Even under oath?... I hope not, but these days I'm not sure what the actual truth of any matter really is. Who can you really trust? If anyone knows, please tell me.
Sunday, January 21, 2007
Spare tire
For the most part I've always been in pretty good shape. I've never had six-pack abs or bulging biceps, but I do OK. For the last ten months or so, I've found myself laying back... mostly because the chemo leaves me fatigued a lot of the time, but also because it's easier than fighting it. As a result, I've put on weight that I am not pleased with. I've lost a LOT of my muscle mass and I tire that much easier.
Well that's going to change, starting now. I've turned half the garage into a quasi-gym, and am putting in the things that will help me get back some of the muscle and drop some of the non-value added bulk I've put on. My most recent addition is a recumbent bike. I've always liked these and I find that with some good ole rock and roll playing, I can go for quite a while.
The Bowflex is for the strengthening thing, and I hope to get back some of what I have lost. I know I have to start out slow, but my main interest, is recovering my recovery rate. With a gym in my garage, I should be able to be a little more dilligent about it, but also I need to lay off the sweets, which have become a valued comfort food during my chemo treatments. My taste buds have suffered some, and this is one of the few foods that makes me feel good... a little too good I suppose, so it's going to take some will power to keep walking past the kitchen and into the garage. Maybe I should buy a set of blinders. Let's see how it goes.
Well that's going to change, starting now. I've turned half the garage into a quasi-gym, and am putting in the things that will help me get back some of the muscle and drop some of the non-value added bulk I've put on. My most recent addition is a recumbent bike. I've always liked these and I find that with some good ole rock and roll playing, I can go for quite a while.
The Bowflex is for the strengthening thing, and I hope to get back some of what I have lost. I know I have to start out slow, but my main interest, is recovering my recovery rate. With a gym in my garage, I should be able to be a little more dilligent about it, but also I need to lay off the sweets, which have become a valued comfort food during my chemo treatments. My taste buds have suffered some, and this is one of the few foods that makes me feel good... a little too good I suppose, so it's going to take some will power to keep walking past the kitchen and into the garage. Maybe I should buy a set of blinders. Let's see how it goes.
Saturday, January 13, 2007
Happy New Year
It's 2007 finally, and I'm as happy to see 2006 pass into memory as I can be. Some good things happened, but the year had to have been the worst one on record for me. What I plan to do now is focus on the coming one and don't dwell on what has already occurred. It's hard though. Having a brain tumor changes you in ways I never thought about.
I am one of the lucky ones though. Although I am destined to be in the chemo loop for a little while longer, for the most part I am unchanged. when I was in the hospital, I witnessed a number of people who were far worse off than me, with a significant uphill road ahead of them. I can't imagine what they had yet to experience, nor the dependence they will place upon their families during their recovery. And there were those whose tumor was not in a good place. Their time is limited, and there is little technology and medicine can do for them. We have learned much about the brain, but it seems like there is a lot more we don't know, and have made few real advances in the past twenty years. There is much to do.
This year I am setting my sights on getting back some semblance of myself as I was efore this all started. From nearly a year of low level activity, I have lost nearly half my muscle mass. This bothers me. I used to be in pretty good shape for me age, so I am anxious to get back some of what I've lost. Something tells me it's going to be a lot more of a challenge this time. I'm ready for the challenge, I just need to remember to pace myself and try to not do it all in one day.
Based on the Chinese Astrological chart, I am a metal tiger. I am passing out the negative three year cycle and into a positive one. This couldn't come at a better time, and I am looking forward to all that it may bring. My wife Sue keeps me laughing and admonishes me when necessary. I take this on the chin and use it as a reminder that I need to keep good thoughts in my head and a cheerfulness in my heart. I love this woman.
I am one of the lucky ones though. Although I am destined to be in the chemo loop for a little while longer, for the most part I am unchanged. when I was in the hospital, I witnessed a number of people who were far worse off than me, with a significant uphill road ahead of them. I can't imagine what they had yet to experience, nor the dependence they will place upon their families during their recovery. And there were those whose tumor was not in a good place. Their time is limited, and there is little technology and medicine can do for them. We have learned much about the brain, but it seems like there is a lot more we don't know, and have made few real advances in the past twenty years. There is much to do.
This year I am setting my sights on getting back some semblance of myself as I was efore this all started. From nearly a year of low level activity, I have lost nearly half my muscle mass. This bothers me. I used to be in pretty good shape for me age, so I am anxious to get back some of what I've lost. Something tells me it's going to be a lot more of a challenge this time. I'm ready for the challenge, I just need to remember to pace myself and try to not do it all in one day.
Based on the Chinese Astrological chart, I am a metal tiger. I am passing out the negative three year cycle and into a positive one. This couldn't come at a better time, and I am looking forward to all that it may bring. My wife Sue keeps me laughing and admonishes me when necessary. I take this on the chin and use it as a reminder that I need to keep good thoughts in my head and a cheerfulness in my heart. I love this woman.
Saturday, December 30, 2006
I'm not really lazy... Really!
I know it's been a while since I made a post. I didn't realize how long until I checked the date of my last one. Needless to say, I was a little embarrassed at my procrastination. The past several months have been a series of highs and lows because of the chemo and other outside influences, which were highlighted by the Toshiba drive in my laptop losing its lubrication, and therefore spinning at a speed less than appropriate to access my data. In other words, it essentially died.
It took a while to get the problem narrowed down to the fact that I had to send it somewhere to do a proper disk recovery not available locally, and it was going to be EXPENSIVE. Prices went as high as $2500 or so. After I regained consciousness I contacted a company in Florida called ECO Data Recovery. You can find them at http://www.ecodatarecovery.com. These guys are professional and fast. They have their own clean room facilities, and were able to disassemble the drive, and then do whatever was necessary to save my data onto an external drive I sent them, and then send it back to me. In the end, they recovered 100% of my volatile files, so I didn't lose anything from the experience. Their price for me was much less than anyone else I talked to, and they were understanding and sympathetic to my issues. If this is sounding like a plug for them, well I guess it is. I'd use them again in a heartbeat.
I've crossed over the six month of my five day chemo treatment and I'm feeling fairly good. My last MRI was clear with no lingering signs of the tumor. This is a terrific bit of news for me. I'm not saying I've beaten it yet, but as long as things stay the way they are now, I have a good chance of getting back to normal.
One of the first things I need to do is get back into shape. I weigh about 10 lbs more than I did 10 months ago, and because of my inactivity, I've lost about half my muscle mass. This bothers me a lot, because my profile in the mirror has really suffered. Before all of this tumor stuff I was in good shape. I went to the gym regularly and I taught martial arts twice a week. Because of my loss of muscle, I'm considerably less strong as I used to be. I can still do some things reasonably well, but I tire faster.
I need to come up with a plan to lose the spare tire and get my muscle strength returning. I'm a little concerned about jumping into a regimen and blowing myself out in the process. I've done this plenty of times when I was healthy, so I don't want to especially do it now. My diet isn't bad, I just don't seem to be able to lose any weight, which won't happen until my activity level increases. I sort of have a plan, but if I had a better idea of how to proceed, it would keep me on track. My willpower seems to have suffered during the last 10 months, so getting back in the saddle is all the more difficult. If I could afford a trainer to work with me, that would be the best way, but since I can't, I'm going to have to depend on my own fortitude to get things back to some semblance of the way I was.
This isn't a New Years' resolution, but it should be.
I still have more to add, but right now I need to pull the Christmas lights off the house.
Stay tuned, I promise to be back soon.
It took a while to get the problem narrowed down to the fact that I had to send it somewhere to do a proper disk recovery not available locally, and it was going to be EXPENSIVE. Prices went as high as $2500 or so. After I regained consciousness I contacted a company in Florida called ECO Data Recovery. You can find them at http://www.ecodatarecovery.com. These guys are professional and fast. They have their own clean room facilities, and were able to disassemble the drive, and then do whatever was necessary to save my data onto an external drive I sent them, and then send it back to me. In the end, they recovered 100% of my volatile files, so I didn't lose anything from the experience. Their price for me was much less than anyone else I talked to, and they were understanding and sympathetic to my issues. If this is sounding like a plug for them, well I guess it is. I'd use them again in a heartbeat.
I've crossed over the six month of my five day chemo treatment and I'm feeling fairly good. My last MRI was clear with no lingering signs of the tumor. This is a terrific bit of news for me. I'm not saying I've beaten it yet, but as long as things stay the way they are now, I have a good chance of getting back to normal.
One of the first things I need to do is get back into shape. I weigh about 10 lbs more than I did 10 months ago, and because of my inactivity, I've lost about half my muscle mass. This bothers me a lot, because my profile in the mirror has really suffered. Before all of this tumor stuff I was in good shape. I went to the gym regularly and I taught martial arts twice a week. Because of my loss of muscle, I'm considerably less strong as I used to be. I can still do some things reasonably well, but I tire faster.
I need to come up with a plan to lose the spare tire and get my muscle strength returning. I'm a little concerned about jumping into a regimen and blowing myself out in the process. I've done this plenty of times when I was healthy, so I don't want to especially do it now. My diet isn't bad, I just don't seem to be able to lose any weight, which won't happen until my activity level increases. I sort of have a plan, but if I had a better idea of how to proceed, it would keep me on track. My willpower seems to have suffered during the last 10 months, so getting back in the saddle is all the more difficult. If I could afford a trainer to work with me, that would be the best way, but since I can't, I'm going to have to depend on my own fortitude to get things back to some semblance of the way I was.
This isn't a New Years' resolution, but it should be.
I still have more to add, but right now I need to pull the Christmas lights off the house.
Stay tuned, I promise to be back soon.
Saturday, August 12, 2006
Long hot Summer
Well, here we are in mid-August and I'm 30% through my new chemo regimen. So far it hasn't been too bad, but I find that the fatigue is still hanging in there. I just pace myself and the days seem to glide by. Work doesn't seem to be affected, but there are times when I get a little sleepy in the afternoon, but I'm more inclined to think it's because of lunch, rather than anything else.
I have another MRI coming up in a little more than a week, so things should come more into focus for the longer term with that. I can't help but be a little tentative though. Those scans tend to be milestones, and I feel a little a little anxious as it approaches. I've become somewhat hypersensitive to what's going on inside my body now. You tend to analyze every little ache, or twinge, or soreness, and relate it back... especially when it's in the head region. Some of it is just stress I suppose.
I stopped reading about this, because there is nothing good or encouraging written. Everything has this gloom and doom approach. I don't need that. I want to keep positive, and I can't do that when most that is written has a negative spin.
I'm busier now, and I'm trying (in my own way) to work at projects that have been hanging around. I'm even getting them done... although not at warp speed.
I have another MRI coming up in a little more than a week, so things should come more into focus for the longer term with that. I can't help but be a little tentative though. Those scans tend to be milestones, and I feel a little a little anxious as it approaches. I've become somewhat hypersensitive to what's going on inside my body now. You tend to analyze every little ache, or twinge, or soreness, and relate it back... especially when it's in the head region. Some of it is just stress I suppose.
I stopped reading about this, because there is nothing good or encouraging written. Everything has this gloom and doom approach. I don't need that. I want to keep positive, and I can't do that when most that is written has a negative spin.
I'm busier now, and I'm trying (in my own way) to work at projects that have been hanging around. I'm even getting them done... although not at warp speed.
Thursday, June 15, 2006
Tumor update
It's been three weeks since my chemo and radiation sessions ended, and I think I'm beginning to feel closer to my old self again. I still have a little way to go to be ready to do my old gym routine, but if there's anything I've learned in working out over ther years, it 's that no matter what you did in your lay off time, it'll take a bit to recover the old form. we'll see how this goes.
Yesterday I had my new baseline MRI, and had a chat with both doctors. The whole thing was as positive experience as I could hope for. It went very well and the doctors were encouraged. I saw the MRI comparison and from what they can see (certainly MRI resolution has its limits) there is no visible trace of the tumor, except for the artifacts of the surgery. However that's not to say that there isn't something there. A tumor about the size of an eraser head has about 30000 cells in it, so a few virulent cells could be present and invisible to the scan. It's not a perfect world, but the future looks bright... at least for the short term and medium time frame we know of, but that is also a double edge sword. It was made plain to me that since we can't know whether it's ALL gone, there always a 90% probability that it will be back... in time (one year, three years, who knows?). I'm hoping for the 10% side of things and can say good bye to it for good.
I am unbelievably fortunate though. Because of the location, even though this tumor is as nasty as they get, there is still reasonably good options for future treatment, should it ever come to that. Nearly all people with this type of tumor are not so lucky and can potentially suffer adverse results of additional treatment. No one is happier about this than I am.
For the future, I still have six months of off and on five day a month chemo treatments to deal with at twice the dose I was getting. The chemo actually hasn't been much of a problem. I take an anti-nausea pill 30 minutes before, and then the chemo drugs about bed time. I wake up with a bit of a bad taste in my mouth, but that about the extent of it.
MRIs will come at increasingly longer intervals and as long as I keep showing no new growth, it bodes better for me as the months pass. The doctors made it clear that they are not done with me and will continue to act aggressively if the need should arise. Now it's just a matter of monitoring myself and being sensitive to my normal behavior. I can no longer take glitches in my physiology for granted, but as long as I feel right, everything else is just as right.
I'm not sure how to pull this all in to a big picture, but for the moment it's time to relax and celebrate the current victory.
Yesterday I had my new baseline MRI, and had a chat with both doctors. The whole thing was as positive experience as I could hope for. It went very well and the doctors were encouraged. I saw the MRI comparison and from what they can see (certainly MRI resolution has its limits) there is no visible trace of the tumor, except for the artifacts of the surgery. However that's not to say that there isn't something there. A tumor about the size of an eraser head has about 30000 cells in it, so a few virulent cells could be present and invisible to the scan. It's not a perfect world, but the future looks bright... at least for the short term and medium time frame we know of, but that is also a double edge sword. It was made plain to me that since we can't know whether it's ALL gone, there always a 90% probability that it will be back... in time (one year, three years, who knows?). I'm hoping for the 10% side of things and can say good bye to it for good.
I am unbelievably fortunate though. Because of the location, even though this tumor is as nasty as they get, there is still reasonably good options for future treatment, should it ever come to that. Nearly all people with this type of tumor are not so lucky and can potentially suffer adverse results of additional treatment. No one is happier about this than I am.
For the future, I still have six months of off and on five day a month chemo treatments to deal with at twice the dose I was getting. The chemo actually hasn't been much of a problem. I take an anti-nausea pill 30 minutes before, and then the chemo drugs about bed time. I wake up with a bit of a bad taste in my mouth, but that about the extent of it.
MRIs will come at increasingly longer intervals and as long as I keep showing no new growth, it bodes better for me as the months pass. The doctors made it clear that they are not done with me and will continue to act aggressively if the need should arise. Now it's just a matter of monitoring myself and being sensitive to my normal behavior. I can no longer take glitches in my physiology for granted, but as long as I feel right, everything else is just as right.
I'm not sure how to pull this all in to a big picture, but for the moment it's time to relax and celebrate the current victory.
Monday, June 05, 2006
Too much too soon
It's been a while since I posted here, and I know a few of my friends look here from time to time to see how I'm doing, so I thought I'd better write something new.
I went through six weeks of chemo and radiation therapy, finishing up a week ago. While it wasn't the worst thing to happen to me, it certainly put my constitution to the test. The chemo was taken at night just before I went to bed, and with the anti-nausea pill taken a half hour before, so the treatment wasn't bad. Over the six weeks I lost the desire for anything more to eat than I needed to keep me going, because I developed a bad taste in the back of my throat. It also constitpated me pretty bad, and took almost the six weeks to get that dialed in.
The drive to and from the radiation treatment was 50 miles a day, so that got to be a drag. But all in all, it was a long but uneventful six weeks. I'm glad it's over... sort of.
I've been free of the treatment for about a week now and I'm not snapping back like I expected. It's going to take a while, and I need to be patient with myself. I tend to push myself too hard and then I pay the price... like last weekend.
I put in a new slab and moved one wheelbarrow at a time of almost 2 yards of concrete from the truck to the slab during what turned out to be the hottest day of the year so far. By the time it was over, I had worked myself into a state of extreme heat exhaution, and spent the next two days laying low and drinking as much as I can to recover to a minimum level. Dumb, dumb, dumb. I know better, but obviously that didn't stop me from doing it anyway.
I need to take it easy for a while and let my body tell me when I'm ready to go to the next level again.
I went through six weeks of chemo and radiation therapy, finishing up a week ago. While it wasn't the worst thing to happen to me, it certainly put my constitution to the test. The chemo was taken at night just before I went to bed, and with the anti-nausea pill taken a half hour before, so the treatment wasn't bad. Over the six weeks I lost the desire for anything more to eat than I needed to keep me going, because I developed a bad taste in the back of my throat. It also constitpated me pretty bad, and took almost the six weeks to get that dialed in.
The drive to and from the radiation treatment was 50 miles a day, so that got to be a drag. But all in all, it was a long but uneventful six weeks. I'm glad it's over... sort of.
I've been free of the treatment for about a week now and I'm not snapping back like I expected. It's going to take a while, and I need to be patient with myself. I tend to push myself too hard and then I pay the price... like last weekend.
I put in a new slab and moved one wheelbarrow at a time of almost 2 yards of concrete from the truck to the slab during what turned out to be the hottest day of the year so far. By the time it was over, I had worked myself into a state of extreme heat exhaution, and spent the next two days laying low and drinking as much as I can to recover to a minimum level. Dumb, dumb, dumb. I know better, but obviously that didn't stop me from doing it anyway.
I need to take it easy for a while and let my body tell me when I'm ready to go to the next level again.
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
Yoga boy
Sue and I attended our first yoga class last night. It's offered for free at the gym we go to, so we figured, "why not?" We have been talking about this for a little while, so this was an opportunity to check it out. We step into an ongoing class and figured we could at least get a taste.
Let me tell you... this stuff is not for the unprepared. By the end of the class I was sweating as much as I do on a normal visit to the gym. Although we didn't work all that hard, the application of balance, stretching, flexibility, and muscle tension was a real workout. I enjoyed it a lot, and I can see that I have miles to go before I will feel comfortable with my abilities in this class.
Sue felt the same way, and even though she is getting is pretty good shape, she definitely felt about the same as I did after class.
I think I should have tried this about ten years ago.
Let me tell you... this stuff is not for the unprepared. By the end of the class I was sweating as much as I do on a normal visit to the gym. Although we didn't work all that hard, the application of balance, stretching, flexibility, and muscle tension was a real workout. I enjoyed it a lot, and I can see that I have miles to go before I will feel comfortable with my abilities in this class.
Sue felt the same way, and even though she is getting is pretty good shape, she definitely felt about the same as I did after class.
I think I should have tried this about ten years ago.
Saturday, April 08, 2006
Glioblastoma Grade IV
I will be starting my therapy soon and it looks like I have quite a fight ahead of me. It parallels the old wagon train approach of putting the wagons in a circle to fight off the Indian attack. I don't know how well they succeeded in their method, but there is nothing more serious in my coming life.
I've done a significant amount of reading and research, and I can only hope that health technology makes a breakthrough fast. What I read does not look very promising. I have done what I can to prepare so far, and I am leaving no stone unturned in my quest to find some magic that'll turn this whole thing around, but short of the miracle of miracles, the long term prognosis is a dark fog.
This is what I learned so far:
The only therapy(ies) that could possibly cure primary brain tumors must:
1. Treat the whole brain
2. Cross the Blood:Brain barrier
3. Get to each and every tumor cell
4. Kill all cell types within the tumor
5. Spare the remaining normal brain.
There now remains the combination of therapies: follow up the initial volume reduction therapy with something else. The usual choices are radiotherapy or chemotherapy. In the best of circumstances, one could expect another 90-99% reduction in tumor cell number. Another 90-99.9 % cell reduction still leaves 1 million to 100 million cells.
The logical procedure now would be to hit the tumor again with yet something else, (usually radiation or chemotherapy) that might attack the remaining cell population.
If left without treating a third time, it is possible that the tumor could return to its original size in as few as 6 weeks, factoring in the numbers mentioned above.
This is not encouraging news, but Sue and I are committed to battle this thing with all the fight we have in us. Feel free to send any positive vibes our way. We're going to need them.
I've done a significant amount of reading and research, and I can only hope that health technology makes a breakthrough fast. What I read does not look very promising. I have done what I can to prepare so far, and I am leaving no stone unturned in my quest to find some magic that'll turn this whole thing around, but short of the miracle of miracles, the long term prognosis is a dark fog.
This is what I learned so far:
The only therapy(ies) that could possibly cure primary brain tumors must:
1. Treat the whole brain
2. Cross the Blood:Brain barrier
3. Get to each and every tumor cell
4. Kill all cell types within the tumor
5. Spare the remaining normal brain.
Using the Glioblastoma Multiforme (GBM) as an example, the physician needs to consider the following factors:
GROWTH DYNAMICS (GBM)
Growth Fraction = 20 % (Only a percentage of the tumor is growing at any one time)
Cell Cycle Time = 2 - 5 Days (This is how long it takes a growing cell to reproduce)
Cell Loss = 80 - 90 % (A high percentage of cells spontaneously die off)
Doubling Time = Around 7 Days
Therefore, any therapy aimed at controlling the growth of this tumor must recognize the above dynamics. Therapy must catch the cells at the appropriate phase of the cell cycle (when they are sensitive to treatment), take into account tumor doubling time, and acknowlege that the growth fraction is relatively small.
There are other problems to take into account as well:
Many cells live in a low oxygen environment (hypoxic). These hypoxic cells are:
- * radio-resistant
- * often chemotherapy resistant
- * far from the blood supply
Standard Therapy
To date, the best treatment for the malignant astrocytoma and GBM is a combination of:- * Surgery (Gross total removal, i.e. 80 - 99 %)
- * Radiotherapy (5,000 - 6,000 Rads)
- * Chemotherapy (BCNU)
"Standard therapy" in this country has failed to alleviate, despite spawning 400-plus new, different protocols. This presents a mind-boggling problem for patients and their families, especially when ofttimes they don't even know what a brain tumor really is! Added to the confusion is the enormous proliferation of new technologies becoming available to treat these tumors: lasers, stereotactic computers, cryosurgery, thermal killing machines, ultrasound, radiosurgery, the Gamma Knife, the X-Knife, photoirradiation, blood:brain barrier disruption, boron neutron capture, etc.
Where do science and technology meet the logic of brain tumor biology? What is purely experimental? What is logically worth the effort? What are the numbers? Where does a therapist's enthusiasm for new technology or protocol end, and logical approach to these tumors begin? These are just some of the newer questions which arise during the first weeks after coming in contact with the problem of a malignant brain tumor.
A Guide to the Perplexed
Considering all of the above, the following is a suggested method for approaching the therapy of malignant primary brain tumors. Be logical.Imagine that a particular tumor weighs about 100 grams. Consider the following:
100 gm of tumor = 100 billion cells, approximately.
If a tumor size can double in volume in a matter of weeks, it would make sense to decrease the size of the mass of the tumor right away. Otherwise, a patient could not make it through a treatment course. Surgery is the way to radically reduce the volume of a tumor, removing anywhere from 80 to 99% of the tumor mass. Recent advances in surgical technologies have aided in the removal of brain tumor tissue with a newer, higher net percentage tumor reduction of 90-99%. These include computer assisted stereotactic surgery, laser instrumentation (carbon dioxide, argon, and Yag), ultrasonic aspiration, operative phototherapy, etc.
Consider the following:
- 90% removal of tumor (100,000,000,000 cells), leaves 10 billion cells
- 99% removal of tumor (100,000,000,000 cells), leaves 1 billion cells
There now remains the combination of therapies: follow up the initial volume reduction therapy with something else. The usual choices are radiotherapy or chemotherapy. In the best of circumstances, one could expect another 90-99% reduction in tumor cell number. Another 90-99.9 % cell reduction still leaves 1 million to 100 million cells.
The logical procedure now would be to hit the tumor again with yet something else, (usually radiation or chemotherapy) that might attack the remaining cell population.
If left without treating a third time, it is possible that the tumor could return to its original size in as few as 6 weeks, factoring in the numbers mentioned above.
This is not encouraging news, but Sue and I are committed to battle this thing with all the fight we have in us. Feel free to send any positive vibes our way. We're going to need them.
Thursday, March 30, 2006
It pays to be wierd
What a difference a week makes. Last week at this time I had just had my skull opened up and a tumor taken out... and this week, I'm ready to pick up like nothing had happened.
I've had plenty of time to read and gather information on my present situation and I've learned some amazing things. That if you're a caucasian male over 50, you have basically a 2-3 in 100,000 chance of getting a tumor. Now the one I have or (had, I hope), is just a fraction of that number. In fact, a tumor in the cerebellum rarely occurs. Which is why I say it pays to be wierd. I never considered that to be an advantage, but I guess I'll stay with it.
I feel great, and although the 4 inch line of staples behind my right ear is not the best thing to see at the moment, I'm grateful for the fast action by the medical team at the Barrow's Neuroloical Instutute in Phoenix. Those people are THE BEST.
I witnessed first hand the other side of the coin. Guys with the same tumor in their cerebrum (the thinking part) and it made me realize how lucky I really was. Those people have a long and difficult recovery process, and a huge burden will be placed upon the people closest to them. I hope they get through it OK and can get their lives back on track. It won't be easy in any sense of the word.
I know I still have a long path ahead and I can't become complacent as time passes. It would become easy to do when you're feeling good and can forget about the trauma of the experience, but I need to be sure I don't. The quality of my life in the future depends on my never forgetting what just happened. I was incredibly fortunate, and with persistent awareness I can keep things this way.
I've had plenty of time to read and gather information on my present situation and I've learned some amazing things. That if you're a caucasian male over 50, you have basically a 2-3 in 100,000 chance of getting a tumor. Now the one I have or (had, I hope), is just a fraction of that number. In fact, a tumor in the cerebellum rarely occurs. Which is why I say it pays to be wierd. I never considered that to be an advantage, but I guess I'll stay with it.
I feel great, and although the 4 inch line of staples behind my right ear is not the best thing to see at the moment, I'm grateful for the fast action by the medical team at the Barrow's Neuroloical Instutute in Phoenix. Those people are THE BEST.
I witnessed first hand the other side of the coin. Guys with the same tumor in their cerebrum (the thinking part) and it made me realize how lucky I really was. Those people have a long and difficult recovery process, and a huge burden will be placed upon the people closest to them. I hope they get through it OK and can get their lives back on track. It won't be easy in any sense of the word.
I know I still have a long path ahead and I can't become complacent as time passes. It would become easy to do when you're feeling good and can forget about the trauma of the experience, but I need to be sure I don't. The quality of my life in the future depends on my never forgetting what just happened. I was incredibly fortunate, and with persistent awareness I can keep things this way.
Friday, March 24, 2006
It's been a wild week
Saturday thru Tuesday were bad days. Monday I couldn't keep anything down so we went to to doc on Tuesday morning. He told us to go to Barrows Neurological Institute ER as fast as we could arrange it and he would tell them I was coming. We went that afternoon and they admitted me to the ICU right away.
I had surgery the next day for the tumor and after spending the next few days there was released on Friday afternoon. The dizziness is gone, but I have a long road of radiation and Chemo therapy ahead. This tumor is somwhat of an oddity to they bacause tuomrs of this type aren't typically found in the cerebellum, but in the thinking part of the brain. This is extremely fortunate for me.
The Barrows folks are going to discuss my case and decide just what they are dealing with and how to treat it, but in the meantime I still need to focus on my life and my job and get back to normal as soon as possible. The sooner, the better.
I had surgery the next day for the tumor and after spending the next few days there was released on Friday afternoon. The dizziness is gone, but I have a long road of radiation and Chemo therapy ahead. This tumor is somwhat of an oddity to they bacause tuomrs of this type aren't typically found in the cerebellum, but in the thinking part of the brain. This is extremely fortunate for me.
The Barrows folks are going to discuss my case and decide just what they are dealing with and how to treat it, but in the meantime I still need to focus on my life and my job and get back to normal as soon as possible. The sooner, the better.
Saturday, March 18, 2006
Astrocytoma
Astrocytoma doesn't seem like a very scary word, but it should. The beauty and the curse about the internet is that there's more information than is possible (or needed) on any subject that you care to look up. Words that you didn't know existed, suddenly become part of your everyday existence, and change the way you look at your life and the people around you. That's what happened here.
A couple of weeks ago, I began to have symptoms of vertigo. I had had the flu or something like it recently and attributed my sudden equilibrium problems to an inner ear instability. My brother had suffered through this and I first assumed it was something like this. My problem was that my imbalance would last for three or four days, and it was all I could do to work my way from the bed to the couch. I had migraines and the muscles at the back of my neck ached incessantly. After four days I was able to go to work, but the vertigo never totally left me. It just subsided to a point that I felt competent to move about and not look like I was on something.
I functioned reasonably well for a few days, when I woke up one day and it was back with a vengence. I spent the next four days barely able to negotiate from one point in my house to another. I was nauseated from the vertigo so bad at times that I found it necessary to scurry on my hands and knees to the bathroom the vomit.
The doctor ordered a CT scan and called me the very same evening to inform me that I had an astrocytoma on my cerebellum, or in simple language, a tumor at the base of my brain. At this point I am waiting to see him again to come up with a plan to deal with it, but knowing it's there and the cause for all my balance problems has changed my life.
Of course I went out the the internet right away and did my research. However, not having any specifics yet raised more questions than it answered. I now know that my vertigo will not pass on its own and that surgery is the primary method with dealing with an astrocytoma. The grade of severity is as of yet unknown to me, but I'm hoping from the sketchy information the doctor gave me, that my own problem is not as bad as it could be.
At this point, I am functioning on a level that's a fraction of what it was. I've always pushed my physical abilities when I hit the gym or taught martial arts, or even working in the yard around the house. For the moment, those times are all on hold and I just do what I can without aggravating my condition. This is not the way I viewed the beginning of this year, that's for sure.
A couple of weeks ago, I began to have symptoms of vertigo. I had had the flu or something like it recently and attributed my sudden equilibrium problems to an inner ear instability. My brother had suffered through this and I first assumed it was something like this. My problem was that my imbalance would last for three or four days, and it was all I could do to work my way from the bed to the couch. I had migraines and the muscles at the back of my neck ached incessantly. After four days I was able to go to work, but the vertigo never totally left me. It just subsided to a point that I felt competent to move about and not look like I was on something.
I functioned reasonably well for a few days, when I woke up one day and it was back with a vengence. I spent the next four days barely able to negotiate from one point in my house to another. I was nauseated from the vertigo so bad at times that I found it necessary to scurry on my hands and knees to the bathroom the vomit.
The doctor ordered a CT scan and called me the very same evening to inform me that I had an astrocytoma on my cerebellum, or in simple language, a tumor at the base of my brain. At this point I am waiting to see him again to come up with a plan to deal with it, but knowing it's there and the cause for all my balance problems has changed my life.
Of course I went out the the internet right away and did my research. However, not having any specifics yet raised more questions than it answered. I now know that my vertigo will not pass on its own and that surgery is the primary method with dealing with an astrocytoma. The grade of severity is as of yet unknown to me, but I'm hoping from the sketchy information the doctor gave me, that my own problem is not as bad as it could be.
At this point, I am functioning on a level that's a fraction of what it was. I've always pushed my physical abilities when I hit the gym or taught martial arts, or even working in the yard around the house. For the moment, those times are all on hold and I just do what I can without aggravating my condition. This is not the way I viewed the beginning of this year, that's for sure.
Saturday, March 04, 2006
Another week gone
I started a new job on February 7. It's actually with a company I worked for before, and left to go to the job that laid me off. They were in need enough to want me back, so I took the position. It's a good thing I did, because other offers didn't come. I had a few people contact me, but they were just fishing and not actually interested in hiring me. In some cases, they were hoping I knew someone else that was looking for a job, but they weren't interested in me. That's a load of crap, but in cases like that, I don't even dignify their contact.
We've had the new Artha Gallery site up for about two and a half months now, but we seem to be drifting into obscurity. We've redone the site completely and added a lot more merchandise to broaden the appeal, but we are getting little activity. This is a puzzle and a disappointment. I'm not sure what to do about this at the moment, but it doesn't look like going with Yahoo was my best choice.
I'm glad February 2006 is history.
We've had the new Artha Gallery site up for about two and a half months now, but we seem to be drifting into obscurity. We've redone the site completely and added a lot more merchandise to broaden the appeal, but we are getting little activity. This is a puzzle and a disappointment. I'm not sure what to do about this at the moment, but it doesn't look like going with Yahoo was my best choice.
I'm glad February 2006 is history.
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
On the street
Well, Tuesday turned out to be the low-light of the week. Budget cuts and lack of work forced my employer to let me go. Reality still hasn't sunk in yet; I guess I'm still in shock. Sue hasn't said much either. I guess she senses my disappointment and loss and prefers to just say silent.
Since I didn't sleep very well, I've already put my resume out on all the various job boards, but in all the years I've had it out there, nothing ever came of it. I don't expect anything more than that now. For the moment I just plan on taking the next several days doing things that have stacked up in the normal course of daily life.
I haven't come up with a plan as to what to do next. Maybe I'll just have breakfast and think about my options.
Since I didn't sleep very well, I've already put my resume out on all the various job boards, but in all the years I've had it out there, nothing ever came of it. I don't expect anything more than that now. For the moment I just plan on taking the next several days doing things that have stacked up in the normal course of daily life.
I haven't come up with a plan as to what to do next. Maybe I'll just have breakfast and think about my options.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)