Reducing conflict and maximizing your own efforts toward healthy living

We’ve learned that change can be hard, and changing others is harder. It can be challenging to know where to start. Take one of these concrete steps today to start reducing conflict and maximizing your own efforts toward healthy living.

1). Practice sacrificing a “win”. If you find yourself in a conflict with a loved one, check your instinct to want to be “right”. Ask yourself who you want to win: you, or the team that makes up you and your loved one(s). Sometimes we have to sacrifice personal “wins” for the sake of the greater good of the family/friend unit. Often that means loving and accepting our loved ones even when they disagree or aren’t compliant with what we believe we have a better way This takes practice, and it can be uncomfortable at first.

2). Use “approach” goals instead of “avoid” goals. To foster understanding among you and loved ones, play with the language you use to (gently) coach them. “Avoidance” goals — such as “stop eating junk food”, “don’t watch TV after dinner”, and “don’t overeat” — are more likely to make people feel restricted, rebellious, and resistant. "Approach goals", such as “try two new vegetables this week”, “eat three different colors of plants today”, and “do something that gets you out of breath for 20 minutes” — are more likely to make people feel expansive, creative, interested, and willing. Approach goals help make the process of change more harmonious, positive, and even fun for you and your family. Find objective support that’s just for you.

3). Having a support person that is detached from your social bubble can be tremendously helpful. A skilled fitness and nutrition coach can provide an objective perspective and functions as a sounding board, a voice of reason, and a resource for practical ideas and inspiration — a source of momentum. An experienced coach can also provide accountability, which is especially important if you are the lifestyle “trailblazer” in your social circle.

Check your motives. Each time you make a decision about food or exercise (or any other health factor you’re trying to improve, ask yourself: Am I doing this because everyone else is doing it, or because it matches my own internal intentions and values? Choose your behaviors consciously.

4). Involve your loved ones. Small moments of support can make a huge difference when you’re trying to move away from friction, toward momentum. Ask your spouse to help you stretch out after a workout, or to accompany you on a morning walk. Ask your partner and/or children to help you menu plan, choose vegetables at the grocery store, or even help prepare a meal. Ask your best friend for a hug when you’ve had a stressful week. Ask your friends and family to cheer you on at a race. Involve and integrate your social network, into your life. Accept them as they are, and be sure to tell them how much you appreciate them supporting your changes, & how much it means to you that they are there for you.